Heather writes about a suicide and her depression. She mentions that insurance companies haggle over mental health payments and that reminds me I never did post my own hell with insurance.
I have so much anger towards C's dad. I manage to keep a lid on it for the most part of it but once in awhile something comes along that blows the lid to the moon. I know that it's not healthy to carry that around but I have no idea how to let it go on my own. I went for counseling three times to try and get assistance and had to stop because the insurance company said my "condition" was temporary so they would not pay.
Now in my mind, I have to deal with this man for at least the next 8 years. I hate to think how many unpleasant situations will rise up in 8 years. Hardly seems temporary to me. Three years ago we were still very good friends. Now we can't speak without the hostility boiling out of both of us. Not a healthy situation and nothing to be done about it unless I roll over and play dead. Any of you who truly know me know that I don't do well playing doormat. You also know that I take my mom job very seriously so I will not have outbursts around my child. That leaves a whole lot of pent up rage and frustration which manifests itself in headaches, sleeplessness, stomach problems, etc.
If I go to the doctor for a headache, they will pay the $3,000 for test after test after test. They will pay for the pills that keep my headaches in check. They will not pay $50 a week for a few weeks while a professional teaches me how to properly work out these issues. No doubt if I could learn to let go, I would be in better physical shape so if they paid for the counseling, they wouldn't be paying for headaches. Makes no sense, does it?
Anyway, the best medicine for me is when my parenting skills pay off; when I see C. do the right thing and know that part of his values come from my guidance. Last night I got a big old dose of pride when he left a friends house early because other kids were being rude to the adults. At his age I would have thought "gee, these guys are being rude" but I'd have never had the guts to make a statement by leaving. He was upset that he left the fun and more than a little worried that they'll all make fun of him later. His words to me were "Mom, I can't be any part of that mess. You just don't treat someone's mother that way". That's a huge decision and I'm so proud of him. Yay C!!!!!
Comments (2)
don't get me started on insurance companies (big sigh!)
But, kid for kid, I'll join you in pride. Congrats. It shows great parenting. ;-)
of course, we can't make over C too much as it'll embarass him or change his mind, right? naahh - good parenting wins out.
>..<
Posted by barbara` | November 23, 2004 1:46 AM
Posted on November 23, 2004 01:46
I know C's dad myself and what a pain he can be to deal with. I congratulate you for not fighting in front of C. and being the better person. Some days that is very hard to do when the "other" person angers you so bad.
Keep it up! It pays off a lot in the end!
Posted by Jen | November 25, 2004 5:37 PM
Posted on November 25, 2004 17:37