Saturday, January 27, 2001

Another ugly day today. I went to bed and couldn't sleep so I got up and made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now it's 1AM and I really should be tired as hell. My bones are but my mind is racing. I like to have things go a certain way (my way) and when they don't, I am edgy and cranky. That's better than the way I used to be when not getting my way meant everyone was gonna pay. I've learned to control that. I just get an idea in my head and it's very hard to let go of it, even if it isn't real feasible. As a matter of fact, the less feasible it is, the more determined I am to make it happen.

It snowed here again in the night last night. My friend Lori (the anti-snow lady) called to let me know how much she didn't appreciate it and then called later to tell me I had to go start her car after work. She has something against getting cold too I guess. I told her if she froze down to the pavement, I would come and scrape her up. I'm not the kind of friend that would let a snow plow scoop her up. That would just be wrong : ) I do have to admit that after our three foot snow in December, I've grown a little tired of it myself. Not enough to complain though because it still looks pretty.

posted by Lisa 1/27/2001 01:06:00 AM | link it |

Thursday, January 25, 2001

As if I don't have enough swimming around in my head, the ex stopped by tonight to see if I would let him claim C. on his income taxes. Apparently his tax situation doesn't look good and I hold the key to bailing him out. I did have a small, angry outburst at first but then agreed to hear him out. I should've probably stuck with the angry outburst because I always end up doing what is right for someone else. I can just hear my friends now "DON'T DO IT LISA!" Even though I know these things come back to haunt me, I agreed to call the tax preparer and have her figure the difference between me claiming C. and letting him claim him. He says he'll pay me whatever the difference is. I'll probably end up doing it just because I am nice. One thing's for sure; I won't be sleeping much tonight. Instead I'll lay there and worry about what is the right thing to do and replaying the countless other things I've done in the last nine years to bail him out. ugh.

posted by Lisa 1/25/2001 11:02:00 PM | link it |

The dining room table is absolutely covered with papers from work and where I've been doing my taxes. Christopher asked me if I was in training. I couldn't figure out what in the heck he was talking about. He said "You know, you used to have papers all over doing math on them and would get the calculator out to cheat". I was really baffled for a couple of minutes and then it dawned on me... tables!! Back when I was learning HTML I had a devil of a time with tables. I would have to draw them out on paper, scribble the file names in the boxes they would eventually fill then I'd get the calculator out and add up cell widths. Dang! That was over three years ago. The kid's got a mind like a steel trap.

Todd just came in the door with supper. Sandwich for me and pizza for the guys.... from the gas station. I just love that... great food from the gas station. Ha!

posted by Lisa 1/25/2001 09:15:00 PM | link it |

Wednesday, January 24, 2001

Damn it!!! I just blogged a whole bunch and it's gone. When Blogger was acting all goofy, I got in the habit of copying my post to the clipboard in case it got ate. Now that Blogger's smokin' again I've quit doing that. This time it was the DSL line that gave out right in the middle of it all. Crap! Guess you're gonna have to settle for an abbreviated version of what would've been here.

Let's see... my engagement ring. Too big. Has a temporary sizer that's served well to keep it on my finger. Todd says I've had it five weeks. I say four. Regardless, I need to get it in soon for permanent resizing before I loose a few grand in the snow somewhere.

A thank you to those who have emailed regarding my health. It's stress I'm sure because I feel fine when I'm not having to yell at someone. Lots of yelling lately because of the ignorance of east coast DSL providers. We've had no connection in the Boston office for two weeks now. I had posted a lengthy explanation of this but I'll sum it up. No DSL means the boss isn't happy. If the boss isn't happy then it's my job to take away his pain. I take that job seriously. When we are teetering on week three of major pain then I start to become unhappy as well.

Keep forgetting to mention that Christopher received the Citizen of the Month award from the PTA. His nomination paper said he was nominated for his eagerness to learn, his respect of himself and fellow classmates, his enthusiasm in class discussions, delightful sense of humor, etc. He packed home this big certificate and free video rental passes last Friday - just pleased as punch with himself. Along comes Monday... didn't want to go to school, hated it, and there wasn't a single fun thing about it. He did go after much heated discussion. All day long I kept wondering how he'd do through the day with such a lousy attitude. I called to check later in the day and they said he was just fine. Guess the Citizen of the Month is also able to pull himself out of a rotten mood.

posted by Lisa 1/24/2001 10:56:00 PM | link it |

Tuesday, January 23, 2001

I have spent a great deal of time on the phone today; most of it on hold listening to god awful music. Being on hold lends itself well to pondering and daydreaming. I do most of my dreaming at night so I ponder instead. Today I thought about my relationship with Todd and where we were this time last year. It's simply amazing how much things can change in such a short span of time. Seems like only yesterday it was springtime and we were huddled together somewhere discussing all our troubles, giving each other marital advice, making corny jokes so we'd laugh rather than cry. Now here we are together... Todd, confident that we'll stay together forever and me, afraid to think much past tomorrow. I think sometimes my inability to imagine a long term future hurts him. That certainly is not my intent. I'm just scared because I do know how much things can change over time; How something can seem so right yet go so wrong. I do believe our relationship has qualities that will help us beat the odds. We talk about things before they get out of hand. We try very hard to be respectful towards each other. Our relationship is built on ten years of friendship, mutual admiration and trust. Those are all things that will help us endure whatever lies ahead. I just have to learn to let go of the past and not be so afraid of the unknown.

Patti told me how she reconciled her anger towards her ex-husband and moved forward. I won't share that with you but let's just say if you know Patti, you can probably imagine. hehe. I don't think I have a lot anger.. a little but not a lot. It's more an incessant need to be in charge of my life. Anyone know how you do that and still give yourself to another person? Can you live a fairy tale and still keep it real??

posted by Lisa 1/23/2001 05:27:00 PM | link it |

Sunday, January 21, 2001

The last month or so I've been experiencing all kinds of quirky little things with my body; little aches and pains here and there that make me wonder if I am coming down with a virus of some sort. Last night I sat down to pay bills and continually made mistakes on my checks. Wrong date, wrong amount or wrong check number in the register. Today I reviewed a lot of old work email to see if I had missed anything on all of my "ToDo" lists. I noticed a lot of my emails to people have misspellings or have sentence structure that is more like what Christopher would write. I wonder if these odd little happenings are just a sign that I need to slow it down a little or if something is about to go disasterously wrong with my health. I've read some stuff today about how too much stress affects the female body. An interesting point in the article that pertains to a lot of us is: Don't combine too many activities.

It goes on to say that women get great satisfaction from their multi-tasking abilities but that it can leave them feeling "fragmented, worn down, and weary from having to respond to too many people and situations". I would agree with that but then again, if we didn't multi-task then how would everything get done??

I just asked my boss the other day if he'd ever stopped to think about how long we can keep up this pace? By "we", I mean tech workers in general. A lot of blogs I read refer to long hours worked to meet deadlines, working when sick, etc. It's crazy. Part of my stress is due to thinking about stress so I'll stop now. : )

posted by Lisa 1/21/2001 07:16:00 PM | link it |