You are always in my thoughts and especially at this time of sorrow for you- I know that you are going to miss the very special young lady that you have brought into our lives and I wanted to send you this note that I came across in my reading- - - It seems to help me when I think of Shelly and Mother and so many more who are always with me in thoughts and heart.
Once a day, and sometimes more,
You knock upon my daydream door,
And I say warmly, "Come right in,
I'm glad you're here with me again!"
Then we sit down and have a chat,
Recalling this, discussing that,
Until some task that I must do
Forces me away from you ---
Reluctantly I say good-bye,
Smiling with a little sigh,
For though my daydreams bring you near
I wish that you were really here ---
But what reality can't change
My dreams and wishes can arrange ---
And through my wishing you'll be brought
To me each day, a guest in thought.
Oh yeah... almost forgot I hadn't blogged this... I called Brooke yesterday. She is so thoughtful. She sent me an email wanting to know if I was okay; knowing that the news of KC's passing might hit me hard. I decided to call and surprise her. She gave me her number awhile back but I wasn't sure if it was home or work. So I called and got her answering machine. She has a nifty message to solicitors : ) Anyway, I had to email her and ask for her work number so it wasn't much of a surprise anymore but it was a delightful conversation. I'm only sorry we couldn't talk longer. Brooke, you are awesome. Don't you doubt it for one minute.
The idea of not having Kaycee is starting to sink in a little more with each passing minute. Today I started to email her something. I usually sent her something every day - a picture I'd taken for her, a funny/embarrassing story about something that had happened to me during the day. Today I was going to tell her that I went to check the starling nest and was attacked by the watchful parent. A few days ago they just squawked at me when I got near. Yesterday the circled a little closer. Today one pecked my head. Although I couldn't email her, I know she saw it and laughed. Laugh all you want sweetie pie.. it didn't hurt.
I know I'm not the only one whose mind refuses to acknowledge that someone is gone. Todd and I had this talk one night about our dads and how we think we can still call them. You know, something happens and you think "Oh, I've got to tell them this!" then you realize you can't. Your heart stops, your breath catches in your throat and a feeling of sadness washes over you for just a moment then you gather your thoughts and go on. I imagine that feeling will be with me a lot over the next few months. Funny, I think I can hear her saying "No way! You will think of me and smile."
On a much lighter note, I really did get attacked by a starling today. And a bumblebee tonight. I was watching Todd on the baseball field at C's practice and chuckling to myself because he was swatting bugs and itching. It looked like he was making calls or something. I'm laughing when this big ass bumblebee tries to come into the car with me. I couldn't get the window rolled up and couldn't spring across to the other seat because his car is still full of boxes from our move. Luckily, it went on it's merry way but sure scared me. I didn't laugh at him anymore either because I'm sure it looked like I was having some sort of seizure.
Hey, Baby, Whew!
I know that you believe in me,
That's all I ever need, uh huh.
No, No, nothing's gonna stop me,
Nothing will be scaring me, oh no
Hey baby, it's the only way out
Oh, little darling,
C'mon what's it all about?
Standing on top of the world
For a little while.
Standing on top of the world
Gonna give it all we got.
Oh, I know it won't hurt,
I gotta have a little taste
I just wanna sink my teeth in that
Fine piece of real estate, yeah
Hey baby, make it nice and sweet,
Oh, little darling
Let's take a walk down easy street
Standing on top of the world,
For a little while.
Standing on top of the world
Let's give it all we got, oooh oooh
Baby, gotta feeling, oooh oooh,
Oh, I wanna touch it,now, oooh oooh oooh,
See the whole wide world turn upside down.
Hey, Baby, Whew!
Someday, we'll be
Standing on top of the world
For a little while
Standing on top of the world
Till we got stung.
Standing on top of the world
For a little while.
Standing on top of the world
Gonna give it all we got.
(Standing on top) Hey, baby.
(Standing on top) Hey darling
Standing on top,
Standing on top,
Standing on top.
I emailed this song to Kaycee yesterday afternoon after reading her "Top of the World" post. Last night I emailed her pictures of the kids. She wasn't meant to see either one. I am going to miss her /pounces, her /licks, her "love you girl!!" and countless other things. I am not going to allow the sadness to swallow me though because Kaycee gave me the greatest gifts in the 9+ months I knew her. Gifts of friendships. If not for Kayce, I wouldn't have known Al. If not for Al, I wouldn't have known Brooke.. or Dan... or Amber. Each friend brings more new friends. Each friend bears the gift of love. The gift that keeps on giving. The gift Kaycee wanted all of us to have and cherish. She lives on forever in each of us and it's up to us to keep her message of love, compassion and friendship alive. Thank you for everything Kaycee.
Yeah!! Blogger is fixed! That last post was from Saturday/Sunday but had to wait until today (Monday afternoon) to publish it. Now back to work on some DHTML. Blech.
