JustLisa

Todd had to make a choice between his family and his job. His family won; he gave his two week notice two weeks ago.

With the economy being what it is, it doesn't look like he will go from one job to another. We stand to lose everything we've worked so hard for but material possessions truly mean nothing at the end of the day. Nonetheless, it's incredibly scary.

After all these months (and it's been a lot of months) I want a smoke sooo bad. The cravings usually pass but this one has hung on all day. Don't worry, I will not smoke. Instead I'll be bitch. ha!

Both of my car doors were froze shut this morning. In a totally unrelated Monday morning fit, if I see one more thing about Michael Jackson this morning, I'm going to throw something.

...
Click the images for larger versions.

We can never get a picture that accurately portrays the size of Dozer so tonight Todd held him and finally, you can all see how massive this dog is. Unfortunately, you can also see how stubby his poor little legs are.

Let's see... we really didn't have Thanksgiving per se. Todd is working in a different capacity at his job now which was supposed to afford him more time at home. I guess it has so far but he still had to work Thanksgiving Day. It wasn't our holiday to have kids so I spent the day cleaning the hell out of the house to keep my mind off another holiday apart.

Friday we made a quick dash to Des Moines with the kids to see some of his family. Anytime Mitzi and I get in the same room, it's a good time. Didn't have any money to take part in the Black Friday shopping.

Christmas tree is up, lights are on the outside of the house and I'm outta time. Have a great week!

According to my quitmeter, today I passed 5,000 cigarettes not smoked. That's an amazing number. Sometimes I surprise myself.

That'd be me trying to get into my pants. Every week without a cigarette means another pound or two here and there. Mostly there. I've gone from size one to three to five to seven to sweats. People say it looks healthy on me. I'm not in danger of developing an eating disorder but I have to disagree. Jiggly parts are only good in certain places and I'm afraid I'll never jiggle in the right spot.

Decatur County - Winter storm warning in effect until 9 am cst this morning.
Snowfall will continue until mid morning then diminish. Total snowfall potential of six inches expected.

I can still see grass!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Christmas, that is. I really want to skip it. Every year I feel less and less festive. If not for the kids, it would be just another day.

Tonight Todd is in his fourth hour of trying to put an alternator on his car. No big deal except he's in a parking lot in Des Moines, it's cold, it's dark, it's snowing, and he just discovered that there is another broken part that he does not have. There are no words to describe how tired I am of bad news with a side order of more bad news. I am really good at picking around until I find a good thing. This morning I thought the good thing was that he made it into Des Moines and didn't get stranded along the interstate. The only good thing I can come up with now is that the car didn't slip off the jack when he was working on it. I mean, that's a pretty big thing to be thankful for but seems kind of teeny in the big picture of the happy freaking holiday season, eh?

Now there is a ten year old in front of me popping his shoulders like I have told him a thousand times not to do. My friend Lori has always said he is just so cute. She puts a ton of emphasis on cute just to drive him nuts. Nothing cute about deliberately antagonizing mom when she's stressed to the max. I am off to find some twine to tie his arms down to his side.

I was going to complain about how much life sucks... HOWEVER... if Brett Favre can lose his dad and still show up to play football, then I'll just shut up and take my hat off to Brett. What a man.

Go Packers!!!

I was up at 3AM and posted a really good entry. I see it didn't show up. Dammit.

I have a terrible migraine that will not go away!! Tonight we celebrate with my mom, aunt, and the kids. I am trying to will this stupid headache away so I don't ruin it for anyone. I have about another hour to do that. Wish me luck.

I finally got rid of my headache about an hour ago - turned out Todd was the one not really enjoying himself. He doesn't do well with the concept of kids being loud and having fun. He sure screwed up when he hooked up with me because I'm all about bringin da noize!

I removed all evidence of the holiday this morning. Everything is boxed up and ready to be hauled to the shed where it will be out of sight. Hopefully it will be more cheerfully presented next year.

Todd is at work, C. is with his dad, and I'm doing some work that I didn't get to earlier in the week. The best gift this year: FX is playing Edward Scissorhands right now. I love that movie! Todd hates it so how wonderful it is to find it on when he's gone. I can watch it in peace. Yay!!

Sad news over at Moosie's. A friend who was a local police officer in her town was shot and killed. I hate to hear that. I feel so bad for his widow. When Todd worked nights I always waited for that knock on the door. For some reason I don't worry about him so much when he works days. I guess because statistically, the loonies aren't out during the day.

Farewell 2003 and take all the heartache and misery with you on your way out.

Today I was talking to my coworker and she asked if I liked Guns n Roses. I told her that I used to listen to them alot and told her about a boyfriend from over a decade ago who just loved them. He used to be a bulldogger and he would listen to GnR before his event to get pumped up.

It FINALLY snowed enough to count. I think we have around a foot although the wind has blown it around so it's not deep in some places and very deep in others.

We took the kids and the dog out to the big hill at the lake. I wish I'd had my camera. The snow on the hill was deeper than Dozer is tall. He would be totally swallowed up and then explode out of it in a poof of snow. I don't know how many times I had to trudge down the hill to rescue Ben. Emily fell victim to cold toes so we had to leave early. Got home and held her for over an hour while she cried. Guess the fashionable socks aren't real warm. I found her a pair of 20 below snow boots on ebay. Luckily I sold some jeans last week and had just enough in my paypal account from that to pay for her boots. Next time we'll be prepared to stay all day. It's been over twenty years since I played in the snow all day. I'm ready.

The kids are staying later than usual so I need to get moving. They want lasagna for supper. I am so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open so better get that started before my brain gives out.

Tae Bo for butts and abs = Yeeeee-oowwwwwww!! I have read some reviews where people say the can't stand the grunting and groaning of the people in the videos. If you put any effort into it at all you can't help but groan.

The kids did a set last weekend. Emily was awesome at it and wanted to keep doing it all day. C. had to call it quits after about ten minutes. He's not real flexible. Little Ben did about five minutes and fell on the floor into a position that can only be described as a frog that has been flattened on the highway. He said "Is this guy trying to kill us?? I think we could die in the night from this."

Every time I hit that "AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!" point I think "I could die in the night from this."

That's all.

I got three hours of sleep before my nose decided to clog up and run all at once. My boss is right; kids are walking petri dishes. Due to even more sleeplessness, I'm crankier than normal and Todd decided to split hairs over garbage.

It's just a wee bit above zero and I knew there was a ton of garbage to get to the curb. We go through a bag of trash a day when all the kids are here. Amazing. Anyway, I asked if he could get it on his way out to work. Now, when you ask him to do something, you must follow up on it because he will never divulge whether he actually did it or not. So I asked, "Did you get the trash?" I put out two cans. "What about bags?" I put out the cans. "Are there any bags that I need to get?" I SAID I GOT THE CANS! THEY ARE AT THE CURB! At this point I'm mad and I think I said "Do you need a f-ing psychologist??? I didn't ask you about the cans! I asked if there are bags I need to get!!"

Ugh!! It went on from there but you get the drift. After 3-1/2 years of this, I'm quite convinced that he does it to push me over the edge. You know those people who answer a question with a question? He does that too.

My boss, being the man that he is, will also gauge my mood and poke at me accordingly all freaking day. MEN!!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go carry out the rest of the trash.

Now, in addition to the round and round about getting a roof, I'm going round and round trying to eat healthier. Healthy food costs more so I need to go to Des Moines for groceries. Don't have the money for gas to go to Des Moines to get cheaper food. Have to keep eating crap that is cheaper and available here. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While balancing the checkbook this afternoon, I did a comparision of the past twelve months to the twelve months previous to that. We paid over $1500 more in gas even though I drive less. We paid over $3000 more for groceries even though I used to get my cigarettes at the grocery store so in my bookkeeping they were counted as groceries. In the last year I've saved over $1000 by not smoking so technically the groceries are $4000 more. Our real estate taxes and insurance and health insurance also went up by larger than expected amounts.

Insurance premiums are zooming upward.

Random Monday morning brain dump:

Couldn't sleep last night for a whole new batch of reasons. I need a switch installed on my brain so I can just shut it off. I have buyers remorse on my tires. Thinking winter is about over so maybe I could have/should have put it off until fall.

I have to reconfigure a router at work this morning and come up with a plan for moving some sites around. That's always stimulating thinking material at 3AM.

Ralph Nader is going to keep me awake from now until November.

I have no idea how much money we have in our accounts. The laptop knows and it's not saying. A couple of nights ago it went up in smoke. Literally. Nothing like the smell of a motherboard melting down. I used to back it up across the network but the network is wonky and I've not had time to fix it.

Say a prayer or think a little thought for Miss Emily. She is at the dentist right now getting a front tooth pulled and a couple of caps installed.

Five minutes into the door and C. has told me enough to keep me mad for a week. I tell him and tell him "Please do not talk about your dad's house when you come home". My mom thinks that is not good because I may need to know something that's happening. If I thought something really harmful was going on, I'd want to know. This is more just the little aggravating things and sometimes I think C. tells me just to see if he can get my blood pressure up. I had no idea that his dad and I's co-parenting arrangement would grow to be so difficult. Oh well, you work with what you've got I guess.

Once again I am reciting my favorite prayer... Dear Lord, keep one hand on my shoulder and the other over my mouth. Being an adult is hard sometimes.

State high school basketball tourneys almost always mean one more big snowstorm. I think the boys tourney starts today and sure enough, we are to get six inches of heavy, wet snow by days end. Yesterday the kids were outside playing basketball and riding bikes. We even went fishing last night... and now snow. Of course you will not hear me complain about that.

Todd is out picking up worms for fishing. The last few nights they have been so thick on top the ground that you can hear them wriggling around. Kinda creepy but exciting to think that spring must be here. In addition to the worms, the butterflies are showing back up. Good signs of warmer weather abound. I didn't get my 2' snow again this year but that's okay. Most people are getting tired and grumpy from being so cold and blah. Bring on the Spring!

It's going to be a crappy day and I decided about three hours ago that I'm not in the mood. Not even going to put on my happy face and try to change it. Just gonna say take a number and put your boxing gloves on.

I put out my last cigarette 365 days ago.

Yesterday I didn't do much besides try to fight this cold off. Todd and Christopher were gone to a Boy Scout campout so I had the place to myself. Did the usual housework and some things outside but not too much.

Today it was gorgeous and I felt a little better so I raked leaves and cleaned flowerbeds. When the guys got home Todd mowed the front yard and burned the dead stuff I'd cleaned from around everything. Early this evening we pulled the boat out of winter storage and took a quick run around the lake. Ran like a charm. Yippeeeee!!!

Now tonight my cough is suddenly back worse than ever. Just in the last ten minutes or so. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! I've taken Nyquil and it's off to bed for me. Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Last night was Em's spring concert. She was a cute little ladybug and actually sang and smiled this year. C's concert is a week from Monday. After those are out of the way it seems like the remainder of the school year just flies by.

C. starts baseball practice tomorrow morning. Of course it's his dad's Saturday so not sure how that is going to shake out yet. It's going to be a very busy summer I'm afraid. Baseball, swimming lessons and Boy Scouts will fill all the spare moments I'm sure.

Posting this at 5:30AM. Another night of not being able to sleep. The night before I took some Nytol and it worked fairly well. I wont be taking it again though as I cannot do my job with that hung over feeling lingering through half the day. I just need another hour in the day to set aside to solve the world's problems then I wouldnt have to lie awake at night doing it.

I have the good fortune of having had the same two best friends for practically my whole life. Crystal and I met when we were five and she moved in down the street from me. She had a nicer bicycle than me. I hated her. 32 years later she calls from 1,000 miles away on my birthday and leaves a message on my machine, "Hey you old hag! Happy birthday! Boy, I bet you have some gray hairs now don't you? Lord have mercy you're gettin' old! Anyways, happy birthday. I love you and I miss you!" I hate her.

We went to Des Moines yesterday and didn't even realize it was Todd's nephew's prom night. I think Dustin was a little surprised to see the whole dang family waiting for him and his date. Finally, a time when I should have had the camera and actually did have it!

Other pics from the day including Laney who gets more adorable every time we see her.

Last night I went to bed at 10:45, read until 11:30 and was wide awake again with a terrible stomach ache by 1:30. Now here it is 4:30 and I can't go back to bed as I'll just have to get up again soon to officially start the day. I hate this insomnia but it's particularly bad to start a week like this.

Just say the words "we're gonna pour concrete" and it will flood. We were supposed to get backfill for our new garage on Saturday morning and the concrete was coming Tuesday. When I went to bed Friday night, the rain chance overnight was 20%. Instead, all hell broke loose around the state.

Thanks to everyone who called or emailed to check on us. The tornadoes were a couple of hours north of here thankfully. We just got the thunderstorms. I see this morning we are under a flood watch with locally heavy rains expected again today. It's almost funny because when the city showed up to approve our garage location, the guy said "Boy, we can't even buy a rain, can we?" A few nights later when they finished the concrete forms, the rain came and won't go away now.

I totally dislike holiday weekends. People ask "What are you doing for the long weekend?" We don't get them because of Todd's job. It's always been that way and I should be used to it but I'm not. These are the days I am angry all day over the fact that we don't get to see much of each other, we don't get the same family time as other families, and when we are together, it's a hectic pace.

This summer - or at least June - is baseball, tee ball, boy scouts, band lessons, swimming lessons, basketball camp, and we're building a garage. That last one is a biggie as it's subject to everyone's schedule AND the weather. It's taken about a month to get the concrete floor done. Now it has to dry out so we can finish the driveway and the approach. After that comes hammers and nails. Due to budget constraints, we're going to have to build it ourselves. As tired and pissy as we are, it should be crooked.

Progress so far...

Did I mention how sick I am of severe thunderstorms??? And stinky, stagnant water standing around. Ugh.

I don't think my page has ever gone blank before. Yikes! Sorry about that and thanks to everyone who checked on me. We're fine - just busier than normal even.

My uncle passed away last week so had family visiting from out of state. The garage building cannot stop because of the rain that is sure to come. My mom is moving to a house that needs a ton of cleaning and fixing up. Late nights with cousins, early mornings building garage, days at work, moms in the evening to scrub - doesn't leave time for here.

The garage is coming right along now. Early Saturday morning they put the roof trusses in place. I was worried that they'd fall or someone would get hurt. I ended up with 6 kids here and that kept me out of the backyard for the most part. Good thing or I'd have been in the way, waiting to catch someone.

Yesterday Todd and Ron put sheeting on one half of the roof. I only had 4 kids running around so was able to be there when it seemed Todd was about to step off the roof backwards. I'll be so glad when this building is over and all the power tools are tucked safely away again.

This was going to be my relaxing summer. Maybe next year.

6AM work on the garage (which I need to post pics of), afternoons and evenings scrubbing and repairing and moving things around at my mom's house in the hopes that we'll be done with the work and truly ready to hit vacation mode on Thursday and part of Friday. Friday evening we'll have to gear up for three kid weekend. Like my mom said, "When you own a home and have kids, don't expect time to yourself for vacation." I can hope to squeeze a day and a half out of it, can't I?

Aunt Rose, I know you are working long hours but I am hoping to bring Todd up to see everyone in that neck of the woods. As is always the case, we'll play it by ear and if you see us, you'll know we're there. HA!

C. is at a week-long Boy Scout camp and tonight is family night. We'll be making the drive over to see how the boy is coping without his mommy. Probably lots better than mommy is doing without the boy.

Garage pics are up-to-date again if you're so bored you want to see a building go up. Kinda cool to watch in slideshow mode. Hard to believe we've been working on that dang thing almost three months. Labor of love?

In a fit only the Crazy Neighbor Lady could understand, I painted all my kitchen cabinet hardware yesterday. Quick, slapped together page of before and after from that can be found here. Top pic is the only before I could find. Way before... like three and a half years ago when we moved in. The hardware was nasty hammered copper stuff with 40 years of grime. To replace the hardware would have been well over $300. Ten hours and a can of hammered effect spray paint and it looks mucho better.

Oops.. gotta go. Tonight may be the only vacation part of vacation I get.

For the last two weeks, whenever I look at a clock the time will be something noticeable like 11:11 or 12:12. Not just a couple of times a day but more than a dozen times. It's getting freaky.

We had severe thunderstorms that started right as we went to bed. I looked at the clock as they were stopping to see how many hours of sleep I might get. 3:33AM. Of course that's too close to insomniac time for me to actually fall asleep so I flopped around, trying to find a comfortable position. Finally gave up and got up. Time: 4:32AM. Just looked at my computer clock to see if it's time for Todd's alarm to go off. 4:44AM

Cue the Twilight Zone music....

From weather.com..... thunderstorms with large hail, heavy downpours and strong, gusty winds may continue across southern Nebraska/northern Kansas into southern Iowa/northern Missouri this morning. That's the weather we should've been having a couple of months ago. It has stormed overnight the last two nights and this morning it is darker than dark outside and raining like crazy. If I hear one more crash of that BOOOM!! kinda lightning, I'm outta here. ACK!!!

Last night weather.com said southern Iowa/northern Missouri would feel like they were in a football scrimmage today. Have I mentioned I HATE thunderstorms? And that I have no basement?

We're all okay but holy crap!! was I ever scared last night. I have perfected my calm mother mode when it's storming. The last two, maybe even three summers I've remained calm and stuck to my mantra "It's okay baby. Just a little wind. Go back to bed." Last night that was replaced with "Holy shit! Get out of your room and shut the door!!" C's room is the only room with west windows and in his room I could feel the pressure like they were about to blow out.

Todd was sound asleep and I was just locking up the doors when the air changed. People who have been in these storms will know what I mean. It's an ear popping, skin tingling, pressure change where the whole world goes quiet for a second or two. Then BAM!! Wind and rain and hail and more wind and roaring and crap sailing through the air. Ugh!! Hate it. Cannot remain calm when it feels like the house will blow apart.

Finally was able to wake Todd up but by then the worst was over. Don't think he believed me when I told him how bad it had been minutes before. It was dark when he left for work this morning so he didn't get to see it but heard it about it at work from people who saw our town on the news. One neighbor has a tree on the garage, another has a boat under a tree and one had a tree on her house. It was a total mess and nearly noon today before people could really navigate around to see what was still standing.

Anyway, of course I took some pics. It was hard to get many because I still had to work all day and it was a trick to get around most parts of town before that. After work most of the worst of it had been cut up and stacked like we'd had a city wide tree trimming contest. Saw a few cars smashed flat due to bad parking decisions. How much would that suck to get up and see your car under a tree?

At any rate, the thunder is rolling around again tonight so think I'll breeze off to bed and maybe get some sleep.

"I cant wait to get some sleep tonight."

And then we changed the box springs to alleviate some of the squeak that wakes me from time to time. Made my to do list for work so my mind would not be filled with that. Went to bed and fell straight to sleep by 11:30. So why am I up now at 2:30AM again?

MORE FREAKIN THUNDER!!!

My friend NT told me yesterday that this site is boring. Somehow I managed to let the front page go blank again. This pesky little thing called work keeps getting in the way. The boss' new baby arrived six weeks ahead of schedule and I became an octopus with many tentacles wrapping around the things that needed corralled.

This site and the others hosted on it are in danger of going dark. Hosting is due again. In addition to not having the money (did I mention Todd's car blew up?), I am not sure it's worth it. I mean, it is worth it because it's been a steady part of the last 5 or 6 years but in the bigger picture, it's nothing really. Todd has pretty much abandoned his site altogether and I can't be as funny as I'd like to be here anymore. Which brings me to....

Good morning Hometown, USA. Yes, lots of locals read here and although I've nothing to hide, it's just uncomfortable when you think you've written to a select few and someone you barely know walks up and says "Say, I read ...". Also, I can't tell you how many people said "You're going to put this on your site, aren't you?" when they saw me taking storm pictures. It's just weird. I can't get any more descriptive than that this early in the AM.

In closing, why did I ask the band teacher to teach my son Taps on the trumpet? It's hauntingly beautiful but mostly just bone chilling at 7AM.

Tropical Storm Lisa churned to life in the Atlantic yesterday. I wonder if that was at the same time the HUGE deer smashed down the side of my Buick?

Sorry that my last post freaked some people out. The longer but still very short version of the story is this: We spent the day in Des Moines, walking the new mall, taking advantage of something fun that didn't cost money. Stopped to see two of my dearest friends who are like parents to me. All in all a good day. We were less than two minutes from home when a very large doe saw her chance to wreck my Buick. That is the way I look at it. My beautiful car is a deer magnet. It sucks them right out of the ditches and into the side of it.

Anyway, we're fine other than the usual sore spots you get when a large animal plows into you. I am so thankful Todd was driving. I think my instinct would have been to swerve which would have meant hitting a farm drive and launching into the corn field. He's been trained to control his initial response in every situation. He very calmly hit the brakes and let the deer do her thing, which was dance down the drivers side of my car. Three years ago the same thing only down the passengers side and not near as much damage.

The insurance company tells me this may total it. That thought makes me cry. I love my car. I just want them to fix it and give it back. I don't have time to hassle with it.

If you do dishes by hand, you must have Dawn Complete. It really does make your hands look better and softer. I love it so much that I had Todd get it in every color in case they discontinue it.

Yesterday an insurance adjuster showed up to "appraise" the Buick. Too bad the Buick was 70+ miles away in Des Moines like I'd told them it would be. I told them it had to be our daily driver since Todd's car had bit the dust and the truck was too much of a gas hog. Somehow that didn't get put in the proper place on a form or something. I guess they are going to try to see it in Des Moines today.

I stressed repeatedly and firmly to the adjuster that the car was my baby and if they thought they could total it and screw me over, they were wrong. Others have told me to just let it go if it is indeed time to do so. Hell no! I've had two cars in my life that I loved. A '79 Trans Am that was fast and leaky and my Riviera. The first had to go because C's dad laid out the ultimatum when we found out I was pregnant. Something about driving fast and being with child. There is no reason the Buick has to go. I love it. It's mine. I want it fixed. The end.

I have the most colorful friends. Really. This post will be about the purple ones and the pink and orange one.

Thanks to this purple one and this pink and orange one, JustLisa.com and all the entities that encompasses will live on another year. You can either thank them or throw tomatoes at them, depending on how you feel about me I guess.

Then there's my other purple friend who got me big time. I came home to find a box on my steps. I wasnt expecting a box so I told Emily to pick it up and bring it in. Imagine my surprise when I finally sat down to look at the address. Moosie!!! She sent me a lovely card, my very own purple moose mascot to ward off hormonal deer, and a new car. I wanted to take pictures of the package contents but my camera card is full of pictures again and no time to download and sort them.

Back to the orange and pink one... go on over and say hi. Just do it. Give her a big, sloppy kiss.

I used to say that a lot in my 20s. Life is not a struggle. It's a wiggle.

Life in my 30s has proven to be quite the struggle. I don't believe in luck, catching a break, or that kind of thing. I think you reap what you sow, get back what you put out, make your own destiny.

As I speed towards 40 I have to question all of these philosophies now. We are good people. We put our children first, we give of ourselves, we do right by everyone. I try to keep a smile on my face and a positive attitude.

But seriously, how long will there be days when the truck keys are lost so I can't get checks to the bank, the insurance premium comes out too soon, the imac gift from the boss comes with an unknown password and no OSX cd to reset it, the house refinance company needs $600 for an appraisal, the car can't get fixed because they need it two weeks and it's Todd's daily driver, the paint won't stick to the garage properly because of the cool weather - yet the garage has to be painted before winter, etc. These are just the things that I'm willing to share here in this public place. There's so much more. I am tired of life on the slippery slope. It's not where I wanted to be at this age.

A great deal of the struggle is in facing these things and not lighting up a cigarette. Juggling everything and fighting to keep it from interferring with my work. This is where the true struggle lies. Not letting the whole train come off the tracks.

Yes, it could be worse. Outside of my headaches, insomnia and stupid things like that, we have our health. Please God do not take that. Our kids are happy and strong and well taken care of. I am proud of my accomplishments as a parent.

In closing, the good thing: I did not smoke today. That's a year and a half now for those keeping track of such things.

Now back to bed with myself. I hope I can sleep now that I've dumped more than you ever wanted to know here.

I get so pissed off every day when I go over to Michele's. I have a wealth of respect for her but some of those who comment there really get under my skin. Some throw around labels like liberal, leftist, idiot, moonbat, etc. Like you are either a proBush republican or you're scum on scum. I take it too personally even though I don't identify totally with the left.

To settle what I am, I went seeking a test. Am I a moonbat because I oppose the war? Am I a tree hugging liberal because I think respect and undertanding go further than a kick in the teeth? Anyway, I found a test and it says ....

I have so much to do today and can't get started since everyone is still in bed except me. If I were my mother, I'd run a vacuum until everyone was up and out. I'm not my mom so I'll drop some things here to keep myself occupied.

First on my mind, Al talks about his vote and ponders the Presidents health. Al is always thinking about something that I wouldn't give a second thought to.

Yesterday we took 380 pounds of junk to the landfill. It would have been much more if I had cleaned the old garage. Todd likes to hang onto things whereas I'd love to get rid of almost everything. Most everything I have is a hand me down or something someone else has gave me. Maybe I'll have a big sale in the spring. Maybe Hell will freeze over.

Also yesterday, my oven quit again. It's 15 years old and every so often the ignitor will quit. A hundred bucks or so will fix it but at what point is it time to say screw it and just get a new appliance? I'm sure it will just get fixed again as it never quits when I actually have money. That'd be too handy.

Like an anxious teenage girl, I've got acne from hell. My nerves are totally shot. Haven't really slept longer than a two hour stretch since Thursday night. I will be glad to put the crushing weight of the election process behind me. No more negative commercials, no more phone calls during dinner, no more watching friends seethe over politics.

I do hope when it's over, we can start to heal.

Just the two of us tonight and we're both so exhausted that we're headed to bed at 8:30.

Tomorrow morning we get the three kids so they can open presents. I should stay up and finish cleaning but I'm pooped.

Merry Christmas, everyone! and g'nite. *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

I donated money today to the tsunami relief efforts. I don't usually donate money because I just don't have any. This is different for some reason. I think because it's just overwhelming. The number of people who were here on earth one minute, gone the next. The number of children. Every time I read about the children, I feel so sick. Sick enough I will skip our Tuesday night pizza night a couple of times if it will help.

Anyway, as I was trying to decide who to give my donation to, I kept coming across blurbs about employer matching. It got me thinking, why not friend matching? I gave $15. Will you match it?

Dang! It's cold. The news preview just said that we were going to spend the next week in temps colder than we've had in four years. Great. I had all of my hair cut off yesterday, exposing my entire neck for the first time in 20 years and now we're going into the deep freeze.

I can't even remember if I mentioned this but a few weeks ago, two dogs got into our rabbit hutch and tried to kill the rabbit. I saved him and he's been in the house since.

Monday our guinea pig fell ill and on Friday he died at the vet's office. The vet guessed the rabbit carried bordatella and passed it to the pig even though they were not in the same room. Of our small pets, Piggers was my favorite and I feel so terrible that I may have inadvertantly caused his death. At least he got a lot of attention and love in his last days as we all tried to nurse him back to health.

Thanks to everyone who has checked up on me. We're all fine. Just busier than normal.

Comments are broken again because I really cannot deal with spammers right now. I upgraded MT and set comments to be approved by me before they appeared here. However, I did not have time to add that fact to the comment template so people were not seeing their comments right away and assuming they did something wrong. It's not you, it's me.

I know, I could be adding wording to the template right now but actually, I have to go. I have a small disaster in the kitchen to clean up. Never start running dish water and then rush off to check your work email under the assumption you will get back to shutting off the dish water in just a second.

Today is my friend Lori's birthday. On my phone I have this picture of her that is so sweet but I don't have the software downloaded on here to post it. Today is indeed her lucky day because God knows I'd have that sucker posted really big right here for all the world to see.

Happy Birthday LoriLou. May you never act your age.

There is not much of anything left that resembles normal anymore. I do have a wonderful guy though. (So long as he can hold on through the nuttiness that seems to follow me.) As a surprise he bought me the Bambi DVD and a stuffed Thumper the day the movie was re-released last week. All because I said I loved the movie when I was a kid. Now how many guys would think to do that four and a half years into a relationship?

My friend Lori pointed out that I'd let the page go blank again. I've got nothing. Life is just flying by at warp speed. Oh, Saturday will mark my two year anniversary without a cigarette. That's a good thing.

Yesterday justlisa.com turned six and no one brought cake. No one brought cake for my birthday either but we did have pizza and the company of good friends and family.

Woke up at 2AM with this sense that something bad is heading this way and knowing that no matter what it is or on which front it hits, I will be the one to have to deal with it. Part of it I suppose is falling asleep thinking how unfair it is that Todd doesn't get days off if a holiday falls during the week. It's always been like that but still, it gets old and frustrating.

Maybe I'll nail down a summer vacation schedule today. I've taken three weeks of vacation in six years and only one of those weeks was a non-working vacation. Perhaps I should start using what I've accumulated and practice being a slouch.

My head is pounding. Not a good way to start the day. C's birthday swim party is tonight and I have done nothing to prepare other than invite people. I think he is old enough now to call around and confirm if people are coming or not. I'll get him going on that when I break for lunch today.

I am really excited about the party. I love getting together with friends and watching kids have a good time is a cure for about anything. I am a little concerned that one of C's buddies isn't going to make it due to some weird family dynamics. I normally stay out of stuff that doesnt concern me but I thought a lot about it last night and dammit, I'm going in if necessary. I hope it wont be becauses I get quite passionate about these things. By passionate I mean fired up. By fired up I mean loud. Loud = stupid. Dear Lord, please let this work out without me having to get stupid. heh.

I will elaborate more on this later when I have time but for now, if you have extra change burning a hole in your pocket, go to http://www.dropcash.com/campaign/justlisa/brazil_or_bust and do a good deed for the day, won't ya? Thank you SOOO much to my online friends for helping kick this thing off and being most generous. The world really is full of good people.

Thanks to everyone who has pitched in so far. We're just over a quarter of the way there. Eva is getting so excited and her excitement is certainly contagious.

Last night's swimming party went fabulously well. All of the invited kids, except two, showed up. I had hoped that all the parents would hang around and swim too but most of them had to go tend to other things. Ah well, I got in the water and was sprayed on multiple occasions with water guns. While in the water. I don't get that. I'm already in the water. I cannot get any wetter. Yet it's great fun to spray me and splash me apparently. Kids are weird.

Emily is trying to talk her dad into going swimming again today. She is so funny. She tells me she loves me a lot but her dad only hears that when she wants something. "Daddyyyy.. I love you." and then she pours out her heart or at least her requests. Hopefully her heartfelt pleadings will get us to the rodeo tonight.

First off, if you haven't given to the Brazil or Bust campaign, please consider.

http://www.dropcash.com/campaign/justlisa/brazil_or_bust

I have a great picture of Eva and two of the kids. Maybe I'll post it tomorrow if she and her mother do not care.

Okay, to the holiday. I cleaned house and did some laundry. Christopher rode with his baseball team in the parade. Todd worked. The End.

That pretty much sums it up. If a holiday doesn't fall on the weekend, Todd doesn't get it off. My cousins are back from Indiana this week so C's dad was nice enough to let C. come home early today to spend time with our family. It's scary when he is nice but seriously, I do truly appreciate no matter what the reasoning.

Short version of a very long, pathetic story about two people who cannot catch a break...

Were gonna go to Tennessee but Hurricane Dennis broke up into rain / t-storms in that area so we decided to stay closer to home and just roam around through some state parks. First one had a fish kill a couple of years ago, second one had so much grass you could walk across the water but you sure couldn't launch a boat, third one was a ski lake so sitting on a fishing boat was like being on a rollercoaster. By Wednesday we had done nothing but six hours or so of driving each day and getting nothing accomplished.

Back home again in time to go visit Christopher at his boy scout camp. As I suspected, he was fine and actually a little put off that I showed up after I'd said I wouldn't. We drove five hours from his camp to get as far down into Missouri as we could. Got up the next morning and hit Bass Pro Shops. Quick four hour drive back home and to bed. Fished our favorite pond on Friday (which we should've just done all along).

Saturday morning got the kids and decided to go camping. 100 degrees. No breeze. Yeah, let's camp. Sweat bees were stinging us all day and we were literally caked with a film from sweating and tromping around in dust. It's been a long time since it's rained around here. Gritty is the word.

Packed up this afternoon and got home in time to do all of C's camp laundry, our laundry, build a railroad tie wall for our driveway, construct a new flower bed, can some peppers, and a few other things. No one said I was smart but I have heard people say I am a hard worker. HA!

Now we can go back to work and rest.

The picture above is of one of my favorite people (my cousin Trent) and his wife, Jen. Jen is new to our family, having married Trent last year after meeting him while they were in the Army. She finished her Army career a couple of months ago and set about making a home for them in the house they just bought and were so proud of.

Jen died today in a traffic accident. She was too young to be taken and Trent is too young to have to deal with such a loss. I feel so helpless. There just aren't words to comfort someone in a time like this. Trent, I love you buddy.

I wish I had time to write in great detail here and get it all out of my head but I don't. It's been a week filled with sadness, anger, gratitude, hopefulness, fear, pride, and joy. The short version:

Jen was buried on Saturday. Due to financial and time constraints, we were not able to attend and for this I am deeply saddened. I have left a lot of family matters in the dust of my busy life but this was one time when I should've been able to put on the brakes and be there for those who need me.

I cannot discuss the anger here or anywhere actually. I can only pray that I am able to manage it in the best way that I can until the drama is over.

C's babysitter has not left for Brazil yet as her Visa has not arrived. While she is disappointed, this is a good thing as it gives us time to wrap up the financial matters for her. We still lack $300 emergency money that she is supposed to carry with her so there is still time if you weren't able to donate before.

One of my closest friends is waiting on the arrival of his first baby. I waited over ten years for him to find the perfect woman without much agony but this last week of her pregnancy is killing me.

His brother is serving in Iraq and will be for several more months. With the uptick in the US casualities, this is causing me to have actual panic attacks when I read that we've been ambushed again.

Little Ben had tubes put in his ears and tonsils and adenoids removed a week and a half ago. I was fortunate enough to be able to spend the day with him before, during and after his surgery. He was such a trooper. I'm thankful that it's finally behind us and that he is fine.

Finally, this weekend my "other" daughter gets married. Fear and joy. Weddings are always joyous occasions but the fear is overwhelming for the hobbyist photographer taking the pictures. That'd be me. Despite months of pleading my case and her parents trying to find someone more suitable to the job, she insists that I will take her wedding photos. I am honored beyond words that she trusts me that much but holy crap... anyone have tips on taking good photos in less than ideal lighting conditions?

Another round of good intentions circling the drain. ugh.

Last week I was too busy at work to really pay attention to the hurricane. Aside from worrying about one of my best friends in Mississippi, I didn't give it much thought as I churned through my normal routine. Today I've had time to catch up and it's breaking my heart. I want to hook the Suburban up to the bass boat and go help. But help with what?

Benjamin turned 7 today. Unbelievable how fast time is rushing by. It wasn't our weekend to have him but thankfully his mom obliged when I called her and let us take the kids to an early lunch in honor of the special day. He had a ten dollar check to put in the bank when we picked him up and then got the annual gold birthday dollar when we went to make his deposit. My mom gave him another ten bucks at lunch. Kid's birthdays are so awesome. Too bad we get out of the habit of birthday fun when we get old.

For our fun today, we ripped out the old orange/brown/green striped carpet in Emily's room and cleaned up the wood floor under that. It looks great but I wonder if we'll be able to keep it bare. I'm afraid it might be pretty cold when the temperature dips.

We also went to a wedding this evening. It was beautiful and I'm glad we took a break to be part of it. It's nice to see another one of "my kids" settle down with a wonderful partner and start a new life.

Bonus fun: a gallery of the new pup, Lucy. The first pic is from the day we got her back in July. I asked Todd to pick her up to re-enact the sleeping baby pose. Didn't work real well but did make me laugh so hard. She was 11 pounds the day we got her and a tiny little thing. Now she is about 40 pounds of long, long legs. I've been working with her to get her ready to hunt birds this fall and she's doing awesome. If I throw out three frisbees at once, she will mark where they went and bring them back one by one. She also does cute little things like sits on Dozer's neck and looks at his face between her front legs. I need to get a picture of that, too.

Monday is a big day so if you believe in prayer, say one for us that we all get the resolution that we need and that it is fair to everyone involved.

Stepped outside the back door to take what I had hoped would be a breath of calming, fresh air. Instead it was very, very cold and very, very wet. For this reason, I am not a big fan of Fall weather. Maybe being cold now will at least help me go to sleep.

Wow! I let the front page go blank again. I could change the configuration so something always stayed up but that emptiness reminds me that I need to pause and dump my brain.

The other day I had a shoving match with a friend, all in good fun, and as I began to lose my momentum, it occurred to me: This is my life. I push hard to keep everything from piling up and sometimes I get distracted and lose my momentum. Everything I've been pushing ahead of me starts to shove me backwards, faster and faster.

That is what is happening now so I don't have time to write here. I've got to keep on pushing until I hit a resting place again. I only fall on my ass when I'm shoving friends around, not when I'm pushing back at life.

P.S. The missing exchange student in Brazil headline caught my eye this morning. No worries though. It's not our Eva. She is safe and sound and learning to live without American chocolate.

The days are shorter yet the work is longer. Makes no sense. Nothing other than a whole lot of hurrying, scurrying and rushing going on around here. Christopher has started wrestling, Em has started basketball, Todd and Lucy are hunting all the time and I'm just in the office, the kitchen or the laundry room if I'm not at the school gym.

December will be so busy with basketball games, wrestling tournaments, and Christmas programs. Emily and I go support the high school girls team as if Eva were still here. Now we just focus on her best friend instead. Sure do miss that aggressiveness that Eva has though. The other night I was talking to her online while checking the stats for last year. I said "Honey, I am so proud of you! You led your team in something.... personal fouls!" hahahaha I thought it was pretty funny but she didn't.

We have not begun any sort of Christmas activity here yet. No tree up or lights, no presents bought. Looks like it will be another year where everything is hurried. I just hate that. Would rather skip it altogether than stress over it. I know that's not nice when there are three kids involved but really, aren't the holidays for relaxing?

Nothing is happening at 3:30AM. Including sleep. GRRRRR

Those of you reading for a long time probably remember my dream car that I bought over five years ago. Oh how I love that car. It's in the shop right now with a bad cam positioner sensor and a bad something something brake sensor and leaky transmission cooler lines. I renewed the extended warranty on it, thank God, but it's still gonna take close to $400 out of pocket to fix it. It will be worth it but it was a very, very bad idea to take it in to the dealer before Christmas.

The first loaner car the dealer gave me was a 97 Sable and it was such a heap. It poured antifreeze all over the ground so took it back and got a 98 Olds Cutlass. It was probably a nice car 100,000 miles ago but now it's just tired and all lit up with check engine light and some other light. The CV joints pop and crack and it makes really interesting noises in reverse. I'll be glad to get my own back.

We got a lot of snow overnight tonight so there was no school today. I was disappointed as C. was to have his first wrestling meet of the year tonight and it was cancelled as well. I had arranged to get off work early and I don't know that I'll be able to pull that off again. All of his meets are at 4:30 and most of them are some distance away. I should've been a nurse so I could have a 7 to 3 shift somewhere.

Oh yeah, the snow. Makes me deliriously happy but this record cold is not even fun. The other morning I let the dogs out about 6AM and my hands were wet from dish water. Froze a hand to the door knob. Ouch!

Seen over at my pal George's place

but I don't. I am getting very tired again. A couple of weeks ago I was so tired that I was doing really, really dumb stuff. One morning I was washing the big picture window and it was streaking so bad. I was on the phone with my brother at the same time and I said something about the damn windex not working. He asked if I was sure I was using windex and I said of course I was. Well, I wasn't. I was washing the window with the dog's allergy spray. $30 bucks a bottle and it doesn't even do windows! What a ripoff!

On the good news front, Christopher had his very first win at wrestling last week. Pinned his guy. I was so proud but he didnt seem as thrilled as I thought. I asked him later and he said he didn't want to seem too cocky. Thatta boy. Yesterday he pinned one and lost two. I am just so happy he's getting some wins. Will do wonders for his confidence and his drive.

On a personal note: Aunt Rose, if you read this, do you have a crotchet or knit pattern for fingerless gloves or wrist warmers? I think a pair would be great for keeping my hands warm while still leaving my fingers free to type. Some days my hands are like ice all day long.

I seem to be awake almost every night around this time so maybe I should make a 3AM category and lump all my middle of the night posts into it.

I think I'm trying to come down with a cold but it's too late at night to take anything for it. I have to get up in a couple of hours again and start a new day. Funny, I always feel most alert in the middle of the night.

I've started working out again after a 2 month break. I should've never stopped. I had over two years of exercising every day under my belt and now that I quit, I have 5% more body fat and 7 more pounds to show off. There are days when I think I'd be better off smoking again but no worries, I'll never really do that. Quitting was way to hard to ever go through again.

In case you're curious, in two months, I'll have three smoke free years. As the country song says, "That's something to be proud of..."

Okay, rambling is over. Back to bed for me.

Lucy, our overly energetic weimaraner, was acting weird today. I faithfully spend a full hour every morning, regardless of the weather, playing frisbee with her so she will leave me alone to work. Again at noon, out for 20 mins of frisbee.

Today she didn't want to play. The whole morning went by without her even poking her head in the office. I took her out at noon but she wouldn't play. Just looked at me with eyes like a little kid who is sick.

Todd came home and took her to the vet. She has a fever caused by an infection somewhere. They gave her antibiotics and are keeping her overnight. I won't sleep. She is such a people dog and we are her people. She's never been away from us for more than two hours since she was little puppy. She literally goes everywhere we go and now she is stuck in a kennel at the vets office, not feeling good. Poor baby. Silly to get this worried over a dog I'm sure but I still am.

Lucy is fine, thank God. She has antibiotics to take for awhile but she is back at 100%. Might even be 120%. She about knocked me through the wall when she first got home. Lucy kisses are very violent if you aren't expecting them. I have a lot of pics to upload but no time to do so. Gotta goooooooo.....

Now C. is really sick. Took him to the doctor yesterday and am to keep him home the rest of the week. He was sick Monday but recovered in the afternoon and was fine Tuesday. Tuesday night (why do kids always get sick in the middle of the night??) he was really sick and yesterday he could barely get around. Just checked on him and he still looks and sounds bad. I can't afford to be sick so I've been washing my hands and using GermX and disinfecting with clorox wipes to the point my fingers are cracked and bleeding. Fun times!

I would like a vacation where no one talks to me or adds to my to-do lists for a week so I can get caught up. Laundry is backed up, supplies are running out, bills are unpaid. blah. I need an assistant and a second job to pay him/her.

Ah well, we had our last big spring snow and the tulips are coming up. Spring will soon be here and basketball practices will be replaced with baseball. Scraping frost for ten minutes in the morning will be replaced with watering the garden. Always too little time in a day it seems but I'd fight for this life if someone tried to take it.

Reminds me of a column I've meant to link to. Rob Borsellino, a columnist with the Des Moines Register, has ALS/Lou Gehrigs and it's hitting him hard and fast. He occasionally writes about in his opinion piece such as he did in my favorite, Despite sickness, life seems worth staying around for . If you haven't read it, you should take a few minutes and do so.

If you do, today's a great day to quit. It's my three year smoke free anniversary! If I can do it, anyone can so jump on my lucky day and put that shit out! Now breeeeeathe and enjoy the first of many, many deep breaths you can take if you'll only get the monkey off your back.

Kitty was very influential in my quit and pointed me to great support sites, including a bulletin board that has been very helpful. I will repost my three year reflection in the extended entry if you are interested.

Todd's birthday was Monday. Mine was yesterday. Justlisa.com was born yesterday too. Hard to believe I've had this place for seven years. You'd think I'd get tired of it and forget to write here. Oh wait, I do. hahahaha

Here's my wishlist if you just have to buy me something. hahaha It's pathetic also. I hadn't updated it in over three years so most things were not even available any longer. I really suck at keeping up with things. I added a few things like a hammock. Someday I shall have a hammock.

Speaking of keeping up with things, our tax assessment doo hickie came today and they dropped the value of our house. Why?? Because we don't have time to take care of it! I don't know if that reason is true or not but that's my story. It's funny to think that not taking care of something might be good. (lower taxes.)

Lame, I know. I'm tired. Goodnight.

Hannah, the young girl who was burned in the accident, is not doing well at all. Please pray that she and her family find comfort and peace.

Hannah passed away early this afternoon. While I feel a very deep sadness for her family, particularly her mother, I am thankful that she was spared further pain.

Ever get the feeling that something is wrong somewhere or something is about to go wrong? I have that tonight. Might be that three of my favorite kids are out tooling around in a convertible. I hate convertibles. Makes every motherly alarm I have go off.

Christopher got bit by a dog tonight. Not a bad bite and not a big dog. Just a little yip yappy dog. Left a big welt that will be a bruise tomorrow. Thank God it wasn't a big dog like our two dogs.

I did a lot of running and jumping and speed and agility type stuff with Christopher this evening. Had to prove to him I still got it. Getting out of bed in the morning might be impossible.

I've been on vacation this past week but really only Sunday thru Tuesday counts in my book. I recapped it on another site and have copied and pasted that into the extended entry if you care to read the gory details. We came home midweek and I spent the remainder of the week cleaning and shampooing carpets and doing laundry and fun stuff like that.

We took the boat out in the drizzly rain yesterday and ended up breaking the transom saver (motor support) on the way home. I really think we are destined to have rotten vacations. Out of six summers together now, we've had one good vacation. The rest have been plagued with bad weather, thieves stealing parts off the car, sick or injured people or other lovely things.

I had hoped to get some sleep but I actually got even less than normal. Bad karma or something. School starts this week for our real kids and the adopteds are all scattering off to college. That makes me sad. Also, I turned the possum loose in the woods this afternoon. I almost cried. Stupid biting thing. I've had it for four months and have grown quite fond of it. I kept going back to it and petting it's little head a couple more times. Possums don't like to be petted. Not even hand raised ones. He'd curl up and hiss and foam at the mouth and show his teeth. Thank God he has those natural instincts so he can survive without me to feed him and protect him. Stupid biting thing. I miss him already.

Vacation recap below....

I've been in some kind of mood for several days now. I just want to be alone. That's totally not like me as I'm a people person. I wonder if it's hormones since I cannot focus on anything and I just feel BLAH.

I've been thinking way too much about the past and what I've been through to get where I am now. Not feeling real good about where I am now - still living paycheck to paycheck and married to my possessions. Thinking about how many people have moved through my life over the last couple of decades and how much I miss some of them. Thinking of when Christopher was little and what a happy little boy he was. We've moved into the moody teenager phase now and I miss my happy kid.

Got up this morning to the news that Steve Irwin was killed. That didn't help this strange, reflective mood any. Christopher and I logged many, many hour watching the Crocodile Hunter in it's infancy. C. is at his dad's right now so I don't even know if he's aware that he's lost his first childhood icon. So sad.

Really, can I just have a timeout?

I don't like to write when life is out of balance and the negatives outweigh the good things. As such, this place is pretty stagnant. Our cat of ten years died a very horrible death a week ago and I can't get that out of my head. Our oven has been hanging in there for a couple of years, sometimes refusing to shut off. It's recently decided to just burn the hell out of everything. There's no money to replace it so that's not good. I have to get new glasses and wear them full time as opposed to just for reading. That's not good either. A dear old family friend is in the hospital. They moved her to Des Moines so I cannot go see her now. See? Nothing really good to report.

I did catch up with an old high school friend that I hadn't seen in over 20 years. That was nice if not hurried because of having to move along to get the kid to his ortho appointment. Put that in the negative column as next month I will have to pull a huge amount of money out of thin air to start on orthodontics again.

Have I ever mentioned how I hate October? My dad died in October 7 years ago. One of my very best friends died in October. My cat died in October. Trees shed their leaves, grass goes dormant. It's just a depressing time so I'll probably not be back to this space until the snow flies. Snow makes me happy, ya know?

Oh, I might join a womens Bible study group. That could be really good. Even through all of life's crap, God is good.

A. If something seems to good to be true, it is.

B. If someone suddenly turns nice, watch your back because well, see A.

I've been camped at my desk for more than a week now and just started the process of digging out. 7 glasses, 3 mugs, 2 big plates, 1 little plate, 2 empty gum packs and scrap paper a few inches deep litter every flat surface within my reach.

I've ignored all of my friends through this stretch and I'm sorry. I preach that life is about priorities but sometimes life sets them for us. I am hanging onto a single strand of hope that this week will be better.

I tried again last night to take some Benadryl before bedtime and once again it had the opposite effect on me. I thought I was weird but it seems a lot of people get hyped up on meds that are said to cause drowsiness. Last night I took it before 8pm thinking it would kick in about 11 or so but it didn't. At 3AM I was still staring at the ceiling.

We put the humidifier back in service yesterday as the dogs have started their winter dry skin business. I'd like a whole house humidifier but that's way down the list behind a new stove, fridge and dryer that I need first. All of my appliances seem to be in cahoots with each other. None of them breaking completely down but rather tormenting me. Nothing is grosser than pouring chunks of frozen milk into a glass. YUCK!!

In closing, did anyone watch that Saints / Cowboys game last night? I'm not a fan of either team but wow, that was some good football!

No tree. Not a single gift bought. No sign of Christmas anywhere except the pile of cards we've received in the mail thus far. I had intended to address and mail cards of my own Sunday but ended up sick. I kept watching the shipping days disappear on amazon.com, thinking I had time then the toe incident happened. All I want for Christmas is for the toe surgery and recovery to go smoothly then maybe we can celebrate in January.

We ran to Des Moines today to do our Christmas shopping. Nothing like waiting til the last minute! Each kid got two things which is not much, yet more than they expect. I'd told them all anyone was getting was a new toe for Christopher. When that bill comes in I bet I'll wish I'd stuck to that.

It just doesn't seem like Christmas at all this year. No one seems festive and there's no snow. Even in the crowded mall today I only saw two teenage girls who looked like they were in the spirit. They reminded me of how I used to be when I'd wear my Santa hat in the days leading up to Christmas Day. Oh, and my reindeer bell necklace. That's been such a long time ago. Ben was really little back then and loved my bell necklace. Every year I think we'll have a better holiday and every year is worse it seems. Maybe the happy spirit will return when we have grandchildren someday. FARRRR OFF I hope!

I have the best friends in the world and I wouldn't take a million bucks for any one of you, let alone all of you. The amount of concern for Christopher both locally and from the far reaches of the world has been so comforting (not to mention he thinks it's cool, too.)

He is doing much better and is only taking an ibuprofen at bedtime now. Getting him to wear the boot is a struggle most days. I don't blame him a bit for resisting. The thing weighs ten pounds or more and can't be comfortable.

$150 each. I say "each" because we have two of them. The first one was pre op and then not big enough to accomodate post surgery bandages. We've already been warned that the insurance company might not pay for them. If I have to pay full price, I'm gonna bronze the suckers and plant flowers in them when this is all over.

Went to the funeral of a dear family friend today. She and her husband used to be in saddle club when I was little and my family had horses and were in saddle club. Christopher is named after her grandson who happens to be my ex's best friend. You live in a small town like this and it's amazing how many different ways you can be entertwined with another person. Anyway, she's always been "grandma June" to Christopher. Her grandkids called her grandma June-bug but for some reason he always stuck to grandma June.

June had been in the nursing home for quite awhile and since I get called there to work quite often, I was lucky enough to see her usually once a week at least. Some days she would know me and chat up a storm. Other days she wouldn't know me but would still visit. Last time I saw her I was wearing my bright green sweater and she kept remarking to everyone how beautiful my sweater was - what a pretty color. I would go into a different office and do some work then come back past her again and she'd say "Oh Lisa, I just can't get over how pretty that sweater is!" That's how I'd prefer to remember her but I happened to be out there the day she took a rapid turn for the worse. As sad as it was to lose her, it's so much better than having her linger for months in the condition she was in. Christopher is fortunate to have last seen her a few weeks ago when she was smiling and had that spark in her eye. They used to measure, back to back, to see if he was taller yet and he almost caught up to her. She was a little thing but as her obituary said, "mighty".

Christopher was pretty upset and very worried about his "uncle". On the way back to school following the funeral, he said "Mom, I've never seen uncle Chris cry like that. Do you think he'll be okay?" I remember very clearly how my grandmother passed away some 20 years ago. The pain of losing a grandma is so great and something I hope Christopher doesn't have to experience for a long, long time.

My friend Lessa, daughter of the famous Purple Moose, is trying to raise the funds to send her son to Europe on a choir trip. She's a young, single widow doing her level best to raise her children in small town Alaska. I would say "in the harsh climate of Alaska" but I think I would thrive in all that snow and I think she's wrong to whine about winter. hehehe

Anyway, it's a wonderful feeling to help a child expand their world. Can you help Sean? If you can spare a buck or two (or more!), please go to the ChipIn page at http://lessa.chipin.com/the-boys-choir-trip and throw what you can spare her way.

BTW, when I say "Purple Moose" outloud in this house, all three kids will yell "MOOOOSIE!!!" She sent them mooses(?) and a beautiful little teddy bear a couple of Christmas' ago. These still sit atop the TV so they will always remember our snowbound friend in Alaska.

He left yesterday morning about 7 in the morning and isn't back home. Christopher is mad that he gets out and no one tries to stop him. The only way to stop him would be to strap him down somewhere. We found him as a free roaming stray and that's still his nature. I think he stopped at someone's house to say hi and they let him in to nap. Soon he will escape from their door and show back up at ours. That is my hope.

People think I exaggerate when I tell them I have not slept through a night in over 14 years but I'm telling ya, it's true. That kid of mine kept me awake through my entire pregnancy. Even now, as a teenager who should be lazy, he wakes up in the middle of the night, gets up early in the mornings, wants to stay up late. UGH! I was sound to sleep when I heard him get up and start milling around. Bathroom break I suppose. He gets back to bed and the dogs want out. Now that I've been out in the snow, I'm not able to go right back to sleep.

Buck had his bags unpacked yesterday and is supposed to be groggy. Someone forgot to tell him that as he is also wide awake and prowling around. His doc said to keep him confined the first night because he'd not be able to fend off the dogs and such. Whatever. I put him in C's room and shut the door. Went back five minutes later to check on him and he was on the top bunk. No idea how he got up there. Guess we're just a family of quick healing insomniacs.

Just noticed I'm pretty dang good at typing in total darkness. Neat skill!

Checked my email and found that smoking has claimed the life of someone else I know. I get accused of being one of those annoying ex smokers but come on!! Is it worth your life to make the tobacco companies wealthy?

Tax debt might be looming in my future I'm afraid. I don't get to claim C. this year which hurts enough but I stupidly forgot to change my W4 when I got divorced years ago. I've been withholding as married with two dependents. Check your W4s! It's way too easy to forget about life changes and how they impact your tax rates.

I don't want to have to take out a loan to get through it but with that and braces.... oh yeah, no ortho insurance for this next, more expensive, round of orthodontics means we pay for all of it. Christopher looks just like his dad but he got my small mouth. Yes, it is! Very small. And crowded. I just know how to make it seem bigger. HA!

I complain a lot about how many things I have to do and the lack of time to do them. My boss bought me the Getting Things Done book but I never had time to read and absorb it. Now I am looking over this site on time management.

I found exactly what my problem is: Management by Crisis. As the article says, it is addictive. A lot of that can't be helped at my work but I have let that management style trickle into my home life.

I also have a huge problem saying no. Oh, and I have piles of notes on my desks that don't get purged into a permanent system. I need to take some time and read through the suggestions and get organized. Guess what? It won't be today for I am out of time!

Random thought on this day: Is there a man out there who would take his lady to a Rod Stewart concert? So far the consensus of all my man friends... and my man... is a big "Hell no!"

I want to take an 8 hour road trip this weekend to watch my cousin compete in a cheerleading competition but the days of jumping in a car and taking off are waaay far behind me. blech.

Tonight I saw a picture of downtown Kansas City at night and I almost cried. I lived in Kansas City briefly about 20 years ago and I hadn't realized that I did enjoy my time there. At that time I was wishing I were home or anywhere else really. I didn't give it a fair chance because I had one foot planted in the past and what was comfortable. It is a high priority goal to spend the next half of my life looking forwards more than backwards and getting out of my comfort zone. Dancing while there is still music.

Today is what my friend Pete calls "man tax day". A day to send roses to someone you love.

Once I tell people my roses story, they never send them to me. In high school, the "great love of my life" sent me a dozen roses for Valentine's Day. Too bad he forgot we were in a big fight from the night before and he totally forgot what an unreasonable bitchy teenager he was dealing with.

The roses arrived and my mom said "Oh how beautiful! Those cost a fortune!" A true fortune for him at the time as he only had a part time job at the livestock auction barn. God only knows how many paychecks it took to buy them.

Like I said, I was a bitch. That's actually putting it lightly and looking back now, I am totally ashamed of my behavior. I took those beautiful roses and stood in the door, waiting for him to show up. As soon as his car pulled into the drive, I walked across to the Dairy Queen and started randomly giving roses to people. He started yelling "What are you doing??!!" at which point I kicked the bitch up a notch and threw some into traffic. It was a horribly mean and childish thing to do and hurt him really bad. It was only one of many hurtful things we did to one another throughout a long on again, off again relationship. If he somehow stumbles on this, I'd like to apologize again. I was so mean and spiteful then.

Todd gave me daisies yesterday and I guess there is one red rose in the bouquet too. Thankfully I am not near as mean and hateful now. I put Todd's flowers on the fireplace mantel and said thanks a couple of times. God, now I've depressed myself by remembering what an awful human being I used to be. I am still paying my penance.

Bald eagles are making a comeback in our area. Todd and I saw 9 of them on our way to one of Em's tournaments in Missouri. The local paper this week has a picture of one in a corn field with a crow. I think I see one some mornings at the lake but can't be sure if it's an eagle or a hawk. I need some leica binoculars. My dad had a pair but I am not sure who ended up with them.

The new ones are much more rugged. I would need rugged because undoubtedly Lucy would bang them around. I like this pair because they are small, rugged, and waterproof to 16 feet. They are small enough to fit into a purse, or in my case, a sweatshirt pocket. It's amazing to me how much binoculars cost but they are like camera lenses. A lot of work goes into making the glass perfect and you do get what you pay for.

Just did some price comparisons and Eagle Optics has really good prices and an unconditional 30 day money back guarantee. I need new appliances before I need binoculars but a person can always wish, right?

You may have noticed that in addition to the increase in my writing level lately, I also recommend products from time to time. When Christopher broke his toe, it also broke the bank and I quickly scrambled to find more income. Taking a second job would mean losing out on time with the kids. Not an option.

Through my friend Julie, I learned about blog marketing and getting paid to mention products or services on my site. I had let my site slowly wither away, having been hit by sheer boredom after 8 years of writing. If I hadn't done that, I could make a lot of money as there have been some big dollar "opportunities" lately. I don't have the search engine ranking necessary to take those but this will help me make a few bucks a week to pay the doctor bills.

If you need a little extra, you should check it out. I was skeptical at first but I've seen actually money in hand now so yes, it's legit. You do have to have an established site, preferably on your own domain, and disclosure is required of all bloggers. (hence that little disclosure link some of you have asked about.)

You decide what you want to write about by picking opportunities. That also cuts down on some of my choices because I'm not going to write about stuff I don't know about or things I wouldn't actually buy myself.

Tonight one of my best friends will be honored at a party to celebrate her 25th wedding anniversary. She was 15 when they got married and my mom wouldn't let me go for fear that I would think it was a cool thing to do. Puh-leeze. I didn't even think it was a cool thing to do when I did it for the first time at 19. Anyway, some people do find their true love and do stay together through better or worse. They've seen a lot of the worse; things I can't even fully imagine. They are still just as crazy about each other today, if not moreso, than they were 25 years ago. I'm so excited to celebrate this with them since I missed being maid of honor at the actual wedding all those years ago.

Woke up to thunder this morning and the warning of a blizzard this afternoon. My first thought was whether Todd would make it home okay this evening. Of course he'll be fine! Started some laundry and encountered a couple of issues. Could feel my blood pressure raising so I tried to think of a happy song. First song that popped into my head:

It's a great day to be alive, the sun is still shining when I close my eyes, it's hard times in the neighborhood but why can't every day be just this good?

Then the hail started and Christopher came into the room, saying that Emily used their last blank CD and he was going to make one to listen to in keyboarding. I told him the song of the day was "it's a great day to be alive" and he took off for his room singing it. Happiness, even when forced, is contagious.

My old friend, minister, and former colleague sent me a copy of his latest book today. He refers to himself as a Priestly Psychologist and his writing is very much in that vein. His style of writing is such that you can just flip open a page and find a verse that rings true. For me, it was this: "Don't 'should' on yourself." I'll leave you to think about that.

So I'm trying to redo the look of this site and I just don't care enough about it to sacrifice time I could use for something else. I do this all day at work and I don't want to do it on the weekends for love nor money. It's like how mechanics tend to neglect their own cars. I have the idea in my head of how I want this to look then I open the templates and the CSS and think "Gee, I'd rather eat rocks."

Anyway, if you visit today, you'll see changes coming and going as I work a little then get distracted by more pressing things like eating rocks. *burp*

I've been plodding along having a fairly good day. Took a couple of walks and enjoyed the nice weather, listened to a lot of good music while I worked and had a perfect day as far as my balance of working out, proper nutrition and the 8 glasses of water. Was feeling pretty dang good about things then got an email from a colleague that he lost his wife to cancer today and wouldn't be working on our project for awhile. Now I'm winding down while pondering how fleeting life really is. : (

Enjoy the good days and turn the bad ones around. Never know how many you have.

After a long battle, a friend of mine succumbed to Huntington's Disease tonight. It is really a blessing as her quality of life has been gone for quite some time. I have been worried that she would linger a long time in a vegative state as some Huntington's patients do. Fortunately her road downhill was pretty speedy and she is in a better place now.

This week has been so busy and has just flown by. Not real crazy about time going fast when I am this old. My tulips are coming up and track starts next week. The kid is going to run track. There is just something screwed up with that. In football, he hated running. Every day, bitch, bitch, bitch about the running. In wrestling, hated the running. Baseball, hated the running. See a pattern here? So he picks track. It's even better than that though. He wants to run distance! He is his father's child. Not in the sense of running but in the sense of doing things that make ya' go hmmmmmmmm. His dad says if he is ever seen running you better look behind him because there will certainly be something big and mean chasing him.

Anyway, it's three kid weekend with nothing going on. That will be a first in months. We are going to hang out around the house I hope. Maybe pick up some squishy poop from the back yard. This sudden thaw has made things pretty damn gross.

The lead singer of Boston, Brad Delp, was found dead in his home this afternoon.

Today would have been my dad's 80th birthday. He died in 1999 from emphysema brought on by many years of smoking and inhaling car exhaust in his auto repair shop.

Last night there was a special on CMT with John Anderson and Big & Rich. They sang John's song "Swingin'" which reminded me of the time dad's neighbors called and said something was up at his house. I went over there and found my dad in the porch swing singing that song at the top of his lungs. After the chorus he'd yell "Jack!! Jackie!!!!!!". Jackie was my stepmom who'd had enough of the happy, singing drunk routine and left for the day. I sat with him and sang until he decided it was pretty silly and went inside. He drove me nuts but I sure miss him.

My humble little home was linked on CBSNews.com today. Thanks Melissa!

I am moving this to below the fold for people like Faith who don't watch TV live anymore. (these people are weird. hahaha)

My 40th birthday is on April 13th and I wish all of my online friends could be here to celebrate with me. Fact is, there will probably not even be a celebration at all because I don't much care for birthdays. They are fun when you are little and get presents. Not so much when you are old.

Every year friends and family will ask what I want and every year I do not know. I mean, I do know but it seems silly to request something. Since this is 40 and it's BIG, I've decided to let you all know what I want and I hope you will do it. I have an Amazon wish list full of books I'd like to have but really, I can probably get those from the library.

What I'd really like is for people to donate to one of my favorite charities. My friends will remember that a former boyfriend lost his life to leukemia and how that broke my heart into a million bits. Our neighbors also lost a toddler son to leukemia. Every year on the old boyfriend's birthday, I give to the Leukemia Foundation. This is a very worthwhile cause that can use all the financial help they can get.

Another cause near and dear to my heart is the plight of youth in our country. I worked for several years as a resident counselor at Quakerdale and they accept donations in honor of others. You could donate to them in my honor and I would truly be honored.

Last month I lost an old friend to Huntington's Disease. Since I frequently am called to do computer work at the nursing home, I saw the devastating toll as this bastard of a disease turned a gorgeous, proud young woman into a shell of a human being. Perhaps a gift to the Huntington's Disease Society of America.

These are just three charities that mean something to me. Maybe there is an organization close to your heart and you could use my birthday as an excuse to give. If you don't have money to spare, take time on April 13th and very deliberately spend it with someone you love.

Some exclusions apply. See the extended entry for details. (Aunt Rose, this means you in particular)

My 40th birthday is on April 13th and I wish all of my online friends could be here to celebrate with me. Fact is, there will probably not even be a celebration at all because I don't much care for birthdays. They are fun when you are little and get presents. Not so much when you are old.

Every year friends and family will ask what I want and every year I do not know. I mean, I do know but it seems silly to request something. Since this is 40 and it's BIG, I've decided to let you all know what I want and I hope you will do it. I have an Amazon wish list full of books I'd like to have but really, I can probably get those from the library.

What I'd really like is for people to donate to one of my favorite charities. My friends will remember that a former boyfriend lost his life to leukemia and how that broke my heart into a million bits. Our neighbors also lost a toddler son to leukemia. Every year on the old boyfriend's birthday, I give to the Leukemia Foundation. This is a very worthwhile cause that can use all the financial help they can get.

Another cause near and dear to my heart is the plight of youth in our country. I worked for several years as a resident counselor at Quakerdale and they accept donations in honor of others. You could donate to them in my honor and I would truly be honored.

Last month I lost an old friend to Huntington's Disease. Since I frequently am called to do computer work at the nursing home, I saw the devastating toll as this bastard of a disease turned a gorgeous, proud young woman into a shell of a human being. Perhaps a gift to the Huntington's Disease Society of America.

These are just three charities that mean something to me. Maybe there is an organization close to your heart and you could use my birthday as an excuse to give. If you don't have money to spare, take time on April 13th and very deliberately spend it with someone you love.

Some exclusions apply. See the extended entry for details. (Aunt Rose, this means you in particular)

Sometimes I talk about my other kids here. They are kids who hang out here in the summer. Kids I would adopt if they were up for adoption. Anyway, a couple of the kids lost their grandmother today. She was a sweet woman with so much love for "her kids".

I visited her often over the last couple of years and after I got close to her grandkids she would say "Watch out for my kids, would you? You know they love you so." and I would assure her that I loved them as well and I'd make sure they were fine. At least once a week we'd have this conversation. Except this week. This week I got too busy with work and activities and didn't get a chance to talk to her and now she is gone. I cried a lot this afternoon and wondered if she remembered how much I cared about her. I make a point to tell everyone that I love them often so she knew I'm sure. I just wish I could have been there to tell her one more time.

RIP Velma. Now you can look after your kids always from high above.

You still have plenty of time to participate in my birthday wish! I really just cannot believe I will be 40. That is old!! I am not old.

We are swamped with water this Spring and about need a boat to get down the driveway. Okay, that was an exaggeration but there is too much water and it is backing up in basements and spilling out of rivers and creeks. I saw that Denver got walloped with another snow storm and Texas was pummelled with tornadoes. I think we are in for a wicked weather summer and me with no basement. Eeeeek.

My aunt Dolly passed away this week. She was the last of my grandmother's siblings so that generation of my family is now gone. It seems strange to think about. I remember spending a lot of time with my great aunt when I was younger. I guess that is the same situation Christopher is in right now with my aunt. They spend a lot of time together fishing and road tripping to Walmart or great grandpa's farm. I hope he is paying attention so that he can cherish the memories when he is older.

My aunt and her husband have sold antiques for as long as I can remember. They lived in two homes that I know of and both were exquisitely decorated with antiques that she liked too well to part with. When I was really little I thought they were so rich because they had a dining room table that stretched forever and the most regal looking chairs. The chairs at each end were particularly fancy and I always wanted to eat in that dining room. I don't think we ever did. Instead food was eaten in the kitchen at a marble topped soda fountain sort of table that my mom really liked. I thought it was just a silly, simple little table. My taste has always ran more towards extravagant.

My uncle called me Liza Jane when I was small and it just drove me crazy. I would cringe as I made my way up the walk, hoping desperately with every step that he would say "Lisa!!" but every time he'd holler "Well look Dolls, it's Lizaaa Jane!!" and I thought he must be so dumb. Now I think back and laugh. I bet she scolded him after we left for teasing me. I can just hear her saying "Dad! You shouldn't pick on her like that!" As I grew older, he stopped doing that and started being very serious with me. In recent years, he would talk about their lives as if they were about over and always said there was nothing more they wanted at the end stage of their lives than to have the younger family come for visits.

Emily loved to go to their house and listen to my aunt talk. She had a voice very much like Katherine Hepburn and dark brown eyes that would just snap if she was getting fired up. There was a fellow who came to the shop often and tried to talk my uncle down on his prices or make a crazy trade. She called him "the weasel" and if she had a story to tell about him, her eyes would change and she'd end each sentence with a firm jaw, forehead locked in a frown and she'd shake her head. I was always thankful she never got mad at me.

I am glad I have these memories but once again I am wishing I'd have taken more time to be with her when she was alive.

Aunt Rosetta, I know you will read this and probably cry a little. I wish you lived closer so I could see you more often but I think you know I love you soooo very much. Consider yourself hugged from afar. Maybe as you recollect your memories, you could email them to me. I love those stories!

Since coming back from Tennessee, I've had an incredibly hard time settling down into the routine I used to have. I don't know how I packed so much into a day but I'm finding myself short on hours now. Hence the lack of updating here, the many emails I've unintentionally ignored, and phone calls unanswered. I'll get my groove back. It just takes me longer as I age I guess.

I've been sitting on happy news for quite a long time now and can tell it now that it's public knowledge. One of my best friends, Pete, and his family are moving back to town. This makes me happy beyond words. When I write about Pete here, it's usually due to one of our dustups over me leaning Democrat and him being Republican. He has a generous supply of nicknames for me and my causes and I'm so glad he'll be here to say them to my face. I'm also looking forward to watching their daughter grow up slowly instead of being shocked at her changes when they show up for their visits. Kids grow up too dang fast. Stay tuned next week as my big kid turns 14 and gets his driving permit. I don't know who is teaching him how to drive but it will not be me!

This one in particular since it's my favorite and it's just me here. bleh.

I got up early this morning to water my flowers, weed the garden and water the neighbors flowers. By 7:30, it was almost 80 degrees already. I'm not ready for the hot part of summer yet. Wasn't it just yesterday that I planted my flowers? Where did Spring go?

The 4th of July seemed like just another day to me and now it's almost county fair time. I need to get control of my life so I can enjoy some of this time that's flying right on by.

Thanks to everyone who voted! Lis won!! Yay! Let's just hope the dream date guy isn't a dud. HA!

The kids' maternal grandfather passed away this week so I've been trying to spend extra time with Ben as this is his first real memorable loss. He was too young to remember when Todd's mother passed on. Everyone tells him it's okay to cry and the cool thing about Ben is that he will do just that. No tough guy acts with him.

Also this week another loss has pulled me backwards 15+ years to the family I used to call mine. Things seem rosier after that much time has passed but as I move through the memories of the past and actually see the people from that time, I am reassured that I did the right thing. I would have done it differently but I still would have cut ties and moved along. It's amazing how anger and pain can lie dormant for so many years but just a glimpse of a face can bring it all rushing back.

Saturday is Farmer's Market in downtown Des Moines and I hope to go to that and recharge after this incredibly draining week.

Every night we have this conversation about what to eat. No one cares what we eat except for Todd yet he is the one who will say "Whatever you want..." then when we pick something, it's not what he wants. I get annoyed then we go another round or two. If I just fix something without consulting, then no one wants it. I think I get fatter from the stress of deciding what we're eating.

I think I have written about this before but I can't remember. I have this thing about numbers. I have no superstitions per se but numbers freak me out. Some days I will look at the clock and every time it will be some pattern like 1:23, 2:34, 5:55 or whatever. I just logged into my site and noticed I had 555 entries and 432 comments. AAAAAAAA! This is 556. Whew. Now someone comment to break that oddity.

Have any of you seen the movie 23? Eva said it would really freak me out.

Christopher's going to need new boots for hunting this year. His feet are growing so fast that he's already outgrown his school shoes bought just two months ago. I'm looking at camo Danner boots. These boots have a lace cover which is great feature for turkey hunting when they go clear out in the tules through cockleburs and sticktights. Waterproof and insulated with Gortex are big bonuses for hunting.

For Todd, Danner boots makes "cop" boots and even still make the pair he used to wear. Shipping is free on orders over $100. That's pretty much any product since they are quality boots and not cheapies. The prices are very competitive though and remember, you get what you pay for.

This month has not been a good one for me. I started the month with a respiratory thing that lasted three weeks. I was not ready for school start at all. Summer went by way too fast and that means trying to get back into jeans again. Every year I have to go up a size and usually end up spending the winter months layered in sweats. Depressing.

My cousins came back and didn't get to stay long enough. One of my best guy friends from the Air Force came back for the first time in nine years and didn't get to stay long enough. Eva is busy with college so only seeing her once a week, if that. Same with Lacey only I don't see her unless I go to her.

September was a terrible month productivity-wise at work and at home. I hope October brings sunshine to melt away the blahs and then November brings snow. Refresher course in the quirks of Lisa... I love snow!

Last night Todd and I stopped in Alco and they had Christmas stuff out already. Insane. Some day I'd like to have a few hours to gather my thoughts on this crazy, fast paced life Americans lead but right now I have a trumpet player who needs to get going to Pancake Day. I can only imagine how that must read to Faith.

Lately I've been increasingly disappointed with my life in general and some of the people who mill about in it with me. I need to breeze right past fall and into snow so things seem pure and right again.

Stories like this are why I stay in Iowa

Instead, about 115 community members gathered their combines and farm equipment at one farm. They spent a long day harvesting more than 1,000 acres of corn and soybeans for a local family.

We're just that way and it's a good way to be. Hell, even if someone doesn't like you, they will help you if you need it.

I started eating yogurt a couple of weeks ago and it is helping with weight loss but in this same period of time, friends are getting all weird too. I've had a couple just pretty much kick me in the head and some others are smothering me. It has to be the yogurt because I'm still just sitting here at my desk most of the time, minding my own business. I made it into HyVee this week for the first time in forever. Maybe that threw off the balance of my universe. I think this time of year just makes people cranky and hateful.

My real theory for the yogurt is that it helps lose weight because it's gross. So gross that it kills your appetite for hours. Yesterday it took me over an hour to get down a 4 oz. container of peach yogurt and then I felt sick the rest of the day.

The boy saw the ortho yesterday and they hooked onto one of the teeth waaaay back in the bottom row and are working on bringing it up front now. The doctor used a thread to tie onto it then he tied that thread very tightly to the spring and then to the wire. It looked very painful and about bedtime, the pain got to be too much and the boy asked for one of the pain pills left over from his toe surgery. This morning he is up and ready for school but there's a lot of moaning going on. I do hope he is not one of those boys who refuses to wear his retainer years down the road when we are finally done with all this pain and expense.

Was reading other blogs this morning and came across this entry where Joe describes his wife not liking how he was cleaning. It was like reading about myself.

A situation happened just last week in my own house that has been eating at me. Todd came in from work and started running water. Usually he gets a drink first thing in the door so no big deal. This time the water kept running for a very long time then I could hear the sprayer going and going then more water. I'm sitting in here thinking my money is going down the drain so I got up and asked what he was doing. He was "rinsing" my skillet from where I made an omelet for lunch. In the part of my brain that is the household banker, I was only seeing a spinning water meter so I said, (from the domestic goddess side of my brain) "Can I show you something? I don't want to be a bitch but this really works better and gets more done." I then proceeded to run just a tiny amount of water into the sink with the plug in. Squirted just a bit of soap in and then washed the pan completely, rinsed it and put it in the drainer. Then I took the rag and washed off the counters and the stove, drained the water and said "See, less water, more work done and the pan is more than just rinsed." Pissed him off and I really don't understand why. I was not confrontive. I probably should have just sat here and let it go but damn, every dime counts nowadays. Our water bill is outrageous enough already.

In the situation with Joe and his wife, I can see myself doing that too. I'm not saying I like that trait but I am quite capable of doing that. It's not out of malice. It's just a frustration with not being in control of the overall big picture so you grab onto the things you can control and drive your loved ones insane in the process I guess.

We were without power for two days with tree branches falling all around. Stepping outside was very scary as it sounded like shotguns blasting as tree's gave way from the weight and crashed down. Todd was at work most of this time and I'm proud to say I made it through all by myself. Didn't loose a kid or a single pet. I thought a few times that our roof was going to open up and swallow the branches raining down on it but thankfully it held up. I suppose we might find damage when we start cleaning up.

I did almost cry when I drove around and saw the trees all around town though. So sad that they've withstood so much for decades and every one of them has damage. A lot of them will be firewood now.

Another year gone and I start the new one with a cold from Hell. It started as a sore throat for days and days and now has blossomed into an ass kicking machine thus my kicked ass was in bed by 9:30 last night.

First song of the new year was a Justin Timberlake number. I do not like his music. I hope these things are not a sign of how the year will go.

In other news, I now possess a blackberry.

I am so tired. Some of it is leftover from being so sick and still trying to recover from the rib thing. Some of it is the winter blahs. We've had snow on the ground pretty much all winter. I love snow but after the ice storm, I was ready for winter to be over. I think most of it is a depression creeping up on me.

The day after tomorrow Eva goes to the Air Force. I know it's the best decision for her but every time I think about it, I cry. Emily keeps texting me that she's crying too. This makes me cry more. You have to know Eva to understand what a brilliant ray of sunshine she is. I was so sick when we were in Texas. Had I been that sick at home, I'd have just stayed in bed but she gave me the inspiration to get my dead ass up and go see new things every day. She's just so much fun. I will miss her more than I've missed anyone I think.

I miss Texas. I hated most of it but it was the best vacation I have ever had. Without the kids I was able to leave everything behind and totally relax. I suppose being half dead helped with that too but Texas will forever be known as the place I let it all go for a few days. Let my money go too.

Our first night there and we were trying to find the exit for the AFB and my friend's house and I got a speeding ticket. $172. I want to fight it because I know I was not speeding but I'd have to go back down there and appear in court and I can't afford another trip back so soon. I can have it deferred for an extra $50 and then it will disappear off my record if I don't have another Texas violation in the next 180 days. Wichita Falls is rough on the fines and they don't make deals. Go 10mph there. Trust me.

Their roads are the biggest hodge podge mess I've ever seen. I don't know how many times we tried to go to a Walmart and couldn't get there. We could see it but every road seemed to lead almost to it, but not quite. I told Eva I was about ready to launch our rented Nissan thru the median to get to it. Our last day there we finally figured out the magic path to get there and then neither of us could remember why we wanted there to begin with. The whole trip was full of moments like that.

Funny thing is that Batty grew up in the places we visited in Kansas. Small world! I did take some pics of the Kansas flint hills but not as many as I should have.

I have so many little regrets like not taking a pic of this time warp motel along the road that looked like it fell out of the sky from the 50s. The sign out front said "Refrigerated Air". I didn't take a pic because I felt like crap and the thought of taking a pic was too much work. I also wanted to take pics of cotton harvest in Oklahoma and pick up some cotton along the road where it had blown out of the fields. Same as above.. not enough energy to get past the thought.

I am worn out from writing this and need to get back to cheering on my Packers.

GO PACK!!!

When I was sick I had Todd go get me a 5th of Jack Daniels so I could make a hot toddy. It didn't work and now I have a big bottle of whiskey to get rid of. Tonight I decided to try my hand at drinking again. Oh boy.

Before Christopher, I drank a lot of Lynchburg Lemonade which is Jack and lemonade. I might add that this concoction causes very irrational thinking and stupid behavior which is why I gave it up some 15 years ago. So tonight I decide I'm gonna start working my way through that bottle. Hey! It cost $30! Can't just have it go to waste.... or can we? I made one drink and ew. Big EW! Maybe tomorrow I will try Jack and Coke.

On the Eva front, she called her mom Sunday but her mom had just left for work. She left her address on the answering machine so I've been putting something in the mail for her every day since. I hope she gets lots of mail as I understand that is a big morale boost when they are far from home and being broken in by the military. If any of you want to drop her a note, hit me up for the address.

The boy's second day at work. He told me the job was so easy that anyone could do it so we went in and ordered things like popcorn shrimp basket and chicken strip kids meal and then paid with our debit card. Afterwards he said "Mom! Why did you pick things I don't know??" Who better to help a boy learn than his mother? It's what I'm here for. hahah

Onto my mini project...

Emily's room used to have this god awful orange/green/brown striped carpet from the 60s and we pulled it up last year to expose the wood floor. We left the chunk of ugly in the hallway because it's part of an addition and had just subfloor rather than birch wood floor. I found a scrap of carpet that would fit and yesterday decided it was the day to put it down. This photo is Dozer, throwing himself on the old carpet. He really didn't want us to take it away. Guess he's pretty much slept on that since he was a wee lil' pup.

This is the finished product. Note all the corners and crevices to cut around in such a small space. I have blisters on my finger from all the cutting but it's soooo much better than the old striped stuff. I think the next project will be replacing the bathtub from 1957. That will be a biggie.

I keep trying to get out of this funk but the universe seems to think I have more bad karma coming or something. Last night we had plans to go to Des Moines and see a KC area musician. Both of us bought new clothes since we haven't been "out" together in over 5 years. My hair looked fantastic for once. That's generally a good sign, right?

Wrong. Got up there and found a Kansas basketball game was on so the music was delayed until the game was over. We sat through about an hour in the typical bar scene: loud women waving cigarettes around, lots of cackling and did I say LOUD? LOUD LOUD The men at the bar were screaming and clapping for the basketball game. I remarked to Todd that I cannot believe I used to love that whole bar scene. Ah, old age how you've ruined me.

We ended up leaving and trying to find a place to eat. Red Lobster right next door. Packed. Outrageous wait time. Olive Garden, same. Down the line of nicer places to eat. Surprising number of people eat at 10PM on Saturday nights. Finally settled on Macaroni something or other and by that time we were both so tired. So much for the big night out. Highlight of the night was coloring on the table at Macaronis. They give you crayons to scribble on the big sheet of paper that acts as a protective cover for the table cloth. I wrote lots of useless shit in purple crayon then signed Todd's name to it all.

Now, how long does one keep trying to crawl out of the funk before you just accept that this crappiness is the new way of life and happiness comes in accepting it instead of fighting it?

It's our birthdays! Well, Todd's is the 10th and mine today. I'd love to tell you we have a big three day party but that would be the furthest from the truth. We do nothing. I got mad today and bought my own cake at Walmart. Tasted like sh*t. Can't even say it was the thought that counted since it was my thought. HA!

Yesterday we headed up to Des Moines to look at cars. My dream car that I bought almost 8 years ago was falling down all over itself and becoming a money pit. I loved that car and have spent the last year in total denial over it's issues. Some days it would run flawlessly. Others, it would sputter and eat gas like it was running out on the ground somewhere. I decided once I found another car that grabbed my eye like that one did so long ago, I'd buy it. We drove lots of stuff yesterday and when I found my new love, I had to really make the salesman work to get his numbers in line with mine. Here it is... the Dream Car v2.

So the whole weekend was shot in the butt while working this deal out but it was worth it. The speedometer says 160 and if you google "infiniti g35", you will see videos of people (mostly kids!!!!) stupid enough to try it out. It will do it. I have a lead foot so will surely be using that cruise control.

I had a special message on my voicemail from Moosie. She calls and sings to me on my birthday and it's one of the best gifts ever. I asked Todd "Did I get a message from The Purple Moose?" and he goes "Oh yeah, forgot to tell you." and replayed it for me. Yay!! Thanks Moosie! I love ya!

... seriously, I say this a lot but if I've accomplished anything in this lifetime it's that I've weeded my friends down to the best people in the world.

My thoughts and prayers are with the folks in northern Iowa who lost their homes to the tornadoes that roared through yesterday. Since this house has no basement, I have a horrible fear of tornadoes now and seeing an entire town wiped off the map only feeds that fear.

An elderly neighbor lady used to blame wild weather on the space shuttle. It punctured the atmosphere you see and this angered God or something. As I sat on the couch last night and watched the trees bend to the ground, I couldn't help but think of Iota. I bet she'd have blamed it on Phoenix touching down on Mars. Whatever the reason, this time of year is nerve wracking.

I am soggy but the flooding that you all see on television is about an hour north of me. Thanks to everyone who has expressed concern. I was going to go to Des Moines tonight and fill sandbags but they have more than enough help and have lowered their predictions a bit. Still, what a mess. Christopher was born 15 years ago during the floods of '93 and this is certainly a repeat.

I've been in a foul mood the past month or so, getting worse every day. Part of it is the music I listen to I think. I've drifted away from happy music since Eva is gone and back into my angry music. There are many other factors at play too but isn't it something how music can affect a person?

One of my friends, funny girl she is, asked "Why the FOWL mood, ya turkey?" Oy. I have weird friends too but dammit if I dont love every last one of ya.

Public Service Announcement for the nosey citizens of my little town:

Please check your facts before you open your mouth. A good place to start for fact checking would be ME for one. If I am not available, and I understand I often am not, then try one of my friends.

Thank you in advance for respecting my family.

I love learning new things and exploring the history of new places. I've done a ton of fact collecting here and can't wait to share. As always, there's no time right now.

One of my favorite quick facts has to do with the jets. Every day when I get to work, I am greeted by the smell of jet fuel and this incredibly high pitched whistle that is so loud. That would be the sound of a T37 "Tweet". The noise is produced by the air being sucked into the small jet engine intake.

There is point when they are slowly making their way out in which it sounds like the pilot revs up the engines and the noise becomes almost unbearable. I learned from a Colonel that the noise gets louder/higher when a person encounters the line about 20 degrees off the engine. Boring to most I'm sure but to me... fascinating stuff! The T37s are being replaced by the T6 Texan II. I'm disappointed by that fact as I love jets and the T6 is a prop plane.

Off to work!

I've been in Texas for six weeks now and still love it. I know a lot of people were hoping I'd hate it and I understand why but I wish I could bottle some of this place up and sprinkle it on my ol' hometown. I'm pretty sure most of it can be attributed to the military and the disclipline but the people are just so nice and seem genuinely happy. My co-workers are fun and the WOW factor of the jets is still in full force.

First off, for my pal Pat who asked about an RSS feed. I guess the answer is yes... http://justlisa.com/index.xml. I've never used an RSS feed service so it never occurs to me to go out of the way to implement it here. Lame, huh?

On the job front, I've moved to night shift officially and still love it. People are a little grumpier as the day wears on but still much better than what I was used to. I have to say how much I love Italians. Their personalities, the accent, the language, their names and the way they say "Ciao!" Earlier at work I heard a couple speaking Italian outside my door. Such a beautiful language really. All I could understand was the occasional "sortie" (what a civilian would call a flight) and at the end, one of them said "What the frig??" in heavily accented English. Cracked me up.

As long as I keep busy and stay with friends or coworkers, I am damn happy to be here but when I am alone, I get incredibly homesick for the kids. I usually cry in the shower every day thinking of what I am missing by being so far away. I still feel this was the right decision for me though. Crying in the shower for 20 minutes a day beats the hell out of crying 5 hours or more every single day.

I went home for a weekend a couple of weekends ago and am going to be able to do that once every 4 to 6 weeks so it's not like I'm military and deployed away from my family for a year or more. So many people here talk of being gone weeks or months at a time without the ability to hop in the car and go home for a day or two. While I still hate the wars and fighting, I've gained a whole new level of appreciation for our military. The ability to leave it all behind in the name of a patriotic duty is pretty amazing.

On the night shift I am lucky enough to experience both Retreat at day's end and Taps at night. For some history, read this. Outside my building they fly the flags of the NATO countries who participate in training here. The other flags are taken down and put away shortly before Retreat then they lower our flag as the music plays. Very humbling. Taps has always caused a chill to go through me and it still happens every night. Big goosebumps!

Another great thing about Texas is early voting. As I voted today, I heard several proudly proclaim "I voted straight Republican!" Ahhh, life in the red state. I made sure to put my little blue dot in the sea of red.

As was the case on election night, I allowed someone to get under my skin and take the happiness out of the occasion. I walked away in anger and missed the swearing in and the speech. Sometimes I need to just chill out. Anyway, I read the speech online several times and this is my favorite part:

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them -- that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works -- whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account -- to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day -- because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Was cool to come to work today and see the big sign on base with the words "Congratulations President Obama". I'm very proud to have done my small part to help him win Iowa and get the ball rolling towards this new day.

First, some history of my new hometown. From the Burkburnett website:

"The Wild West was being tamed when in 1905 the President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt, was the guest of Samuel Burnett at a wolf hunt in the "Big Pasture" area of what would later become the State of Oklahoma. Burnett was a flamboyant figure whose 6666 Ranch covered much of the North Texas - Southern Oklahoma area.

In 1905, part of the vast Burnett empire was sold to Frank Kell and J.A. Kemp of Wichita Falls who were building a railroad through Burnett's ranch to the "Big Pasture."

A town lot sale held by Kemp and Kell on June 6, 1907 marks the official beginning of the city which would later become world famous as the center of a gigantic oil boom. At the suggestions of Teddy Roosevelt, the town was named for his wolf hunt host, Burk Burnett.

The oil-crazy days were dramatized in story and song and later became the subject of the Clark Gable - Spencer Tracy movie, Boomtown."

They still pump oil around here. When gas prices are high, almost all the pump jacks are going. When prices are low, only one or two out of a dozen will be pumping. I've not quite figured out the logic there but nothing about oil prices makes sense I guess.

The thing I love most about here (besides the jets) is the fact that the Wichita Mountains near Lawton, OK are so close. Within 45 minutes I can be standing on Mt Scott. It's not the Smokey Mountains but it's good enough for me.

Totally random things... I was going to go to Iowa this weekend but they had more snow again. It's been an impossible winter to plan a trip there which has made seeing Christopher incredibly difficult. My next three day weekend isn't until Memorial Day now.

We start two weeks of night flying when I go back to work on Tuesday. Yay! There is nothing like afterburners in the dark.

I now have a blown out tire off a jet. Not exciting for most but for me it's like having a small piece of heaven.

I had my first cup of coffee ever two weeks ago. It was German double something something. I wasn't a huge fan so the German pilot who made it for me is going to make me another, only sweeten it up a lot. I told him dump Pepsi in the mug, call it coffee and I'd LOVE it.

I've got to take the Pepsi back out of the diet soon. It's added 20 pounds to me. Every day I say "I'm not getting a Pepsi today" and every day, I buckle and get the big bottle.

I said I was not going to get close to anyone here but that's falling by the wayside too. The people I work with are just too awesome to keep at bay. My coworkers mother passed away this past week and my heart ached for her yesterday as they laid her mom to rest. It made me realize that I am not going to be able to change the way I relate to and connect to people. I suppose in the big picture, that is a good thing but my heart will break lots as people graduate, retire, get reassigned and so on.

To stay here, it looks like I'm going to have to get a second job and I hope to do so as aircraft crew of some sort or maybe life support packing chutes.

I never watch SNL but caught the opening last night. Too funny!

I'm still alive but incredibly neglectful of this space. I think I even forgot the ten year anniversary of justlisa.com. Oops.

Texoma (hate that word!) finally got rain this morning. About 4" in most places near me I think. I've never been in a place so dry. Earlier this month I drove to Iowa and picked up my mom and Christopher to bring them back down for a visit. On the way up there, Kansas seemed to be burning up with fires burning along both sides all the way along the turnpike. On the way back here, it was Oklahoma burning to the point that we ended up stuck in OKC for over an hour at a complete standstill because of wildfires along the road. While they were here, fires raged all around it seemed so Christopher did not get to go turkey hunting as he had hoped.

I think they had a really good time. Christopher got to fly the simulator and actually landed. That was pretty impressive. My mom was impressed with how nice everyone was. I've had several pilots ask how my mom is doing which is terribly sweet considering they met her for a couple of minutes at most. I do love the people I work with.

Lately I've been extremely agitated over stupid things. Right now I believe I could go off the deep end over the media hype surrounding swine flu. Yes, it's a big deal and yes, we need to be aware BUT, let's not forget the regular flu kills tens of thousands in the US every year. Texas has cancelled all high school athletics and several school districts have closed. I will keep taking Vitamin C and washing my hands a lot. I guess I don't get too freaked out over things that can kill me.

Another source of contention is the media coverage and analysis of Obama's first 100 days. I love the Obamas but I'm so sick of hearing about them. To my friends who love to bitch about him I want to say "Shut up, quit your bitching, and get to work on a plan for your party in four years." Geesh.

Today is Eva's one year wedding anniversary. She and her hubby are expecting a baby any day now. Her due date is May 8th so I'm betting the baby will be here May 9th. She's famously late for everything...

Last week I sprained my ankle and am supposed to be wearing one of those orthopedic boots. I wear it some but not at work. I probably should since I walk the most at work but it's heavy and makes my hip and back hurt. I don't want to trade one injury for two more. My friends give me grief for not listening to the doctor but the pain isn't so much in my ankle but more along the outside of my fibula. Also, it's not so much pain as it is just a weird sensation and some weakness in my foot. Anyway, I've convinced myself that I just need to walk it out.

I'm really missing Spring in Iowa. Texas doesn't have such marked changes in season. Spring on the walking trail at home is so beautiful. I also find myself missing friends and family a little more all the time. I'm excited for a summer here though. I found out the other day that my new town shows movies in the park on Saturday night. I guess people bring lawn chairs or blankets and watch outside. I seriously let out a squeal over that! Horton Hears a Who is one of the first movies in June and I cannot wait! I'm also excited about the upcoming "Queens Birthday" celebration put on by the Dutch students and instructors. Being surrounded by different cultures works well to counteract homesickness.

Wow, a lot of time has gone by since I logged in here last. Surprised it even works! Nothing new to report. Still love the job. Have watched a lot of good people come and go. Made some mistakes. Loved and lost and learned. Miss the kids tremendously. Am thankful for this space as it is an archive of family history where I can retreat during the lonely times.

I think it might be time to resurrect this site and start telling my stories again.